aLL 'BouT 'Fe-Ar'

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Today is Pi Day, today is White Day, today is rainy day...

Early in the morning I woke up, it was raining. Until now, it is still raining. I can't get out of my house and go to the office. Zutt, I hate it.

So many things happen these days. And I feel that I am so blessed.

I am getting busier, yes. I learn more, it's more true. When I am sure that I do more that what a PJE should do, I feel useful, I feel great, I feel much more trusted and appreciated. I don't really know whether my fellow grade 1 colleagues are doing as much or more than I do, but I don't care. As long as I learn more, I gain more for myself, I add value for myself, I will fight for my future. :)

If I compare myself now with Febrina 9 months ago, I can feel that I am improving. I can't really see how fast and how extensive my improvement is, but really, I am improving and I will continue to improve. I am going to dedicate myself for the team's good.

Yesterday I heard some good news from my colleagues, and I felt so happy for them. No, I was not happy, I was more than happy. My mood lighted up yesterday and I felt so euphoric for the rest of the day! I wish them all the best and I will make sure I follow their step next year. I deserve it!

I told someone that I targeted to be the big boss of my company. It may be true and it may not be true. I still don't know whether I should or I want to stay in this line forever. If my choice is to stay, I will climb up for sure. I am an ambitious person and I will work hard to work my may up. I will make it a champion at the end of the day. I don't like to lose to anybody. :D

Ten minutes have passed since I wrote this rubbish, and it is still raining out there. Should I run into it and go to the office no matter what happen?

YOSH! A new day, a new spirit!

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

When people feedback to you, tell you something that you can change and improve, they are not trying to demoralize you... They are just showing their love to you, like a mom that always nag and nag and nag their children... It is love...

But you see it differently, you take it differently... And you complain about being nagged, you just don't appreciate people around you...

You say how can people who love you nag you and demoralize you... However, in fact, they care about you... They want to see you shine and be a better person...

But you are just human, and human can not appreciate other people so well... Maybe you can start to appreciate when these people have gone away from your life... Do you want it?

After all, it goes back to you... It's your ship and it's up to you...

I am tired...

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

I have been emotionally unstable these days, especially regarding how I feel about people. I am sick of people, I can say.

1. People tend to take things for granted
This is human nature. People take their status, position, authority, and comfort zone for granted. And they start to to pressurize, discomfort, burden, or even blame others for stuffs. I don't know what people are thinking, but I truly think that this is unacceptable. Other people play certain roles in your life, either big or small. Is it so difficult to be nice as other people are trying to be nice with you, too?

2. As they grow bigger, people tend to be nastier.
Yes, this is it. When people have no authority, they are humble, they are nice, they are hardworking. But, when they are bigger and more powerful, they tend to abuse their power and turn to the dark side of their personality. What they do is just blaming their subordinates and keep doing that until all get demoralized. Although people have done their best to deliver a good product, blame is still cascaded down only because of little tiny thing that they overlooked. I feel so unjustified.

3. People cannot appreciate what you have done to them until they lose you
This is somewhat true, am I correct? People are very weak in appreciating what they have until they lose them. People are arrogant, they can just keep blaming and blaming and blaming other people despite what other people have done to them. They can't just appreciate other's hard work. It is sad, extremely sad.

4. People at the top always take credit of what people on the ground do
Life is unfair yet unbearable at this stage. When bad things come, people blame their subordinates. But when good things come to existence, those people sip the happiness by themselves. I don't care what the position you hold, as long as you try the credit, I will tell you off straight on your face.

5. People are just humans, but humanity is getting no value
People keep complaining ad blaming other people about any single thing that bothers them. Is there nothing better to do? Are they so unhappy so they want to drag other people inside? Humanity, love among all people, where is it now?

And I think to myself, am I such a person too? Oh God, dealing with human and being a human are sure difficult.


U're the best I've ever had
 ~FeN~

So many things happened yet I had no time to write. Recently I have been so busy with works and stuffs and I almost abandon this space of mine.

I am sorry.

I felt a bit of homesick nowadays. I missed my home, I missed my family, I missed the idling time at home. I was sick for being so rush, so busy, and so pre-occupied with works. I just wanted a break.

Saturday and Sunday are now so precious for me since I need to works on alternate weeks. I am tired, actually. However, nothing can be done. I have chosen my path and I am responsible for it. I just hope that what I have been sacrificing now will be paid off later.

And nowadays I feel like my work is getting more interesting and my boss is getting more and more awesome. He is so deep, so knowledgeable, so steady, yet he is so humble and down to earth. I shall learn a lot from him. I shall grow to be a good one like him. :)

I am learning a lot through my 9 month journey here and I will learn more and more. I am grateful~

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

It's a wonderful feeling you have when you know that someone is attempting so hard to be your future. He/she doesn't have to be perfect, but he/she will go round the imperfection and put the best effort to create a perfect world for you.

Lucky I'm in love with my best friend, lucky to have been where I have been~~~

Being with you is like falling in love every split second again and again...

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

When bf and I were queuing for a fully packed MRT,
Me: Eh, you tell them I am pregnant, so I can get a seat.
Bf: It's better if you tell them that your husband is pregnant, they will believe for sure. I look more pregnant than you.
Me: ... *speechless*

When I was inside the MRT,
Operator: Next station, Macpherson
A small kid: Why they name it Macpherson, not MacDonald? MacDonald is nicer.
Me: ... *trying not to laugh*

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Special days come and go year by year. Birthday, anniversary, christmas, chinese new year, whatever.

I am a person who is always admiring special days and I love to see love blooming once more during these days: family become more bonded and appreciate the togetherness, couple give surprises and gifts to each other, friends start to arrange gathering and share experiences. So many things can happen during the days, and I keep admiring it.

People say, "You don't need to wait for valentine or birthday to show love," and I totally agree. But, if your loved one cannot show love to you during those days, how you can expect him/her to love you more for the ordinary days.

I love to put effort and see the glowing faces of people that I love during their birthdays and other special days. And deep inside, I long for the same thing as well, although none bothers.

Maybe I am to perfectionist, maybe I just want thing to be done my way, maybe I am just being unreasonable.

My 22 is coming soon. I have stopped expecting.

I just need love, not any bling or candles.

Boss 1: So we should ask them to provide refreshments and newspapers from next week onward, right?
Admin: Yess, you should request for your beverages already...
Boss 2: No, in our specs, it's stated refreshment, not beverages...
Admin: What is the difference between beverages and refreshment???
Boss 2: Beverages means drinks only, like those milo or coffee... Refreshment includes dan gao (cakes), bing gan (crackers)...
Me: Bing gan only la, from where got dan gao?
Boss 2: And got kueh, keropok...
Boss 1: Yes, and got pau, siew mai...
Admin: *laughing very hard* Then send some to here lah!
Me: *speechless*

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~