aLL 'BouT 'Fe-Ar'

Bersama itu sendiri
Sendiri itu bersama

Bersama nikmati cinta
Sendiri menelan pahit duka
Walau bersama terasa bagai sendiri
Ketika sendiri sadar sebenarnya bersama

Bersama bukan berarti tak sepi
Sendiri bukan berarti mati

Bersama tak kan selamanya
Sendiri pun tak kekal

Bersama itu sendiri
Sendiri itu bersama

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Moments back in my hometown are the best. I spent ten days although it felt like a blink of eyes. I was full of everything, I was content, I was showered with all the love and care. I love my home.

Now I have come back here. I wish I spent more time there.

I only have mom, dad, and bro. But that's enough. Chinese New Year is the time to gather with your family, no matter how small it is. After a year being far from home, I understand how precious a home is.

My home is...
... where I ate and slept and showered
... where I laughed and cried
... where I got angry and overjoyed
... where I studied and played
... where I watched TV and listened to radio
... where I phoned my besties and talked for hours
... where I spent time with my family

I don't know whether I can create a home that my mom and dad have created for me and bro. I am still in the dark, I don't know to where this life is gonna land, but I really wish that I can build a great home for my children in the future. I want them to be attached with their parents just like bro and I are attached to our home.

I was sorry that bro could only spend four days with us as he needed to rush back to his study. However, we had our best time together. I really love him, my only brother.

Now I have come back here, I miss my home even more. This place is not a home, this is just a hotel. I am a traveler and one day, I will be back home.

People get ready, get ready

Cause here it comes, it's a light

A beautiful light, over the horizon

Into our eyes

Oh, my my how beautiful

Oh my beautiful mother

She told me, son in life you're gonna go far

If you do it right, you'll love where you are

Just know, wherever you go

You can always come home

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Yesterday was my birthday, yes my 23rd birthday. I am grateful that I am still alive, as a whole, now.

I am getting older, yes, but people say age does not matter. As long as you are living your life fully and contributing yourself to others and the society, you can be 60 year old and feel like 20 inside. I believe I can be forever 20. Forever.

I received quite a number of birthday wishes. From my family, my besties, my junior high school friends, my bf. I refused to put my birthday in Facebook because I feel there is no point of getting birthday wishes from people who happen to look at the notification at right hand corner of the page. I feel more joy when I know certain people still remember my birthday.

I remember how I used to received birthday wishes through SMS. With my Nokia phone, I usually created one folder to contain those. When I felt lonely, I would open the folder and read through the messages and felt loved once more.

I have never been given a surprise party from my friends. Somehow and sometimes, I think about the pleasure that it will bring when your loved one storm into you and celebrate your birthday like they really mean it. I am longing for that kind of feeling. Even once is already satisfying for me.

The start of my 24th year on this world. I shall be better, I shall shine brighter, and I shall get wiser!

Sabbe Satta Bhavantu Sukitattha...

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

On Skype
Me: Lagi apa?
Her: Lagi main pura-pura mati di ranjang

At the office
Me: (holding a black marker) Is this my marker?
OB: I have also.
Me: This is your marker or mine?
OB: I have marker, same same one.
Me: So this is yours?
OB: My one is blue.
Me: SO THIS IS MINE LAH! Alamak.

During training
Trainer: I always wake up very early, that's why after 5pm, my brain is on screen saver mode. So, my wife always tells me, at night do not talk...
Trainee: (while scribbling) ... to strangers...
Trainer: W!@#$%^&*()

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~