Saturday, May 31, 2008

10 X 10 = 100

100 tahun telah berlalu sejak kelahiran Boedhi Oetomo dan 10 tahun telah berlalu sejak peristiwa demonstrasi besar-besaran yang berujung kerusuhan berlumuran darah...

12, 13, dan 14 Mei 1998... Bentrok itu terjadi... Dan kabarnya, akan ada kerusuhan lagi tahun ini... Ya, memang mulai kelihatan banyak demonstrasi di mana-mana... Demonstrasi mahasiswa, demonstrasi ibu-ibu, demonstrasi ini, demonstrasi itu... Terlalu banyak demomstrasi di negara ini...

Satu hal yang sangat saya sayangkan adalah kenaikan BBM... Memang, harga minyak dunia sedang naik, tapi sangat tidak wajar jika hanya untuk seliter premium rakyat harus merogoh kocek sebesar Rp 6000... Dan saya yakin, harga barang-barang sesaat lagi akan ikutan naik karena biaya transportasi alias pengiriman barang atau jasa tersebut menjadi semakin mahal, sementara gaji belum tentu naik dan kalopun naik belum tentu bisa mengejar kenaikan harga kebutuhan... Makin lama hidup di Indonesia makin sulit...

Di saat perekonomian sedang gonjang-ganjing, yang bikin aku semakin miris, kenapa negara ini bisa enak-enakan merayakan 100 tahun kebangkitan nasional dengan segitu meriahnya?????? Jumlah penari terbanyak lah, jumlah TNI terbanyak, show ini, show itu... Bener-bener ironis... Di saat rakyatnya lagi kebingungan soal isu harga-harga yang bakal naik, petinggi-petinggi malah sibuk menonton acara yang menghabiskan dana negara...
Wow...
Truly amazing...

Ya, I just hope the best for my Indonesia...

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~
Read Comments

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Akhirnya ngeblog lagi

Almost three weeks I came back to Palembang and maybe two weeks I didn’t update my lovely blog… So sorry… It didn’t mean that I forgot my blog after I found my hometown… There were so many things I wished to write here, but unfortunately, the idea popped up when I was not in front of my computer… Lol…

Phew… Back to Palembang and I found back my happiness, although sometimes I still felt a little lonely, because most of my friends are still at school while I have nothing to do… Looks like I am a really really lazy person… Haha…

Now, you know, the calendar is starting to reach June 5th… Oh my God… I have to see my result soon… I am afraid that my result disappointed me… Hixx…

Then, another problem, the cutoff point for getting the room increased this year, and my point was one below the cutoff… I didn’t get my room again… Huix… I sent an appeal letter, I pray, I pray, and I pray… It looks like I just can pray now…

Talking about room, I feel very stress…

Waaaaa…

U’re the best I’ve ever had

~FeN~

Read Comments

And really,I should also thank you

My life went on to junior high school, where I found myself trapped on a tiny group of people, called 'Acceleration class'... Really, there was no freedom at first... The subjects taught were one or several steps ahead, no one could join OSIS, etc, etc, etc...
But, I found lot of very interesting teachers... The one that I loved so much was Ibu Sulis,,, She was an Indonesian teacher... So, you know why I loved her?
Haha... It was not that simple... I loved her because she taught me more and more about 'Bahasa Indonesia'... She found my interest in this subject... She knew that I liked everything in it...

And the chance came... She asked me to go for speech competition in Universitas Sriwijaya, or Sriwijaya University, I should say... At that time, as I told you before, there was no freedom... Okay, not that rude, there was not so much freedom... Acceleration class student might not take too much 'extra' activities... But, she told me to fight for it... She created the speech text, because I had no time to do it...
I attempted so much to read the text, memorize the text, and practice it so that I would not make her dissapointed... And, I got the second place... Someone said that the one who got the second place would be the one very unhappy, but I wasn't... I was very happy because I was the first acceleration class student who was sent to fight in a competition... I was happy, and I was proud...^^

In the class, I was very enthusiastic when it came to Bahasa Indonesia... Yap, yap, yap... My love to this subject increased every single day, or even every single second...

For the year after, again, Ibu Sulis told me to attend the same competition, but this time, the competition was writing poem... I made three poems that each of them was more than fifty lines long... It was very hard to create, actually... But I was taught something again... I found my interest in writing poem... I could write, although not as fabulous as Chairil Anwar, or Sapardi Djoko Damono... At least, I could write...
But, something dissapointed me was the fact that this competition didn't have a clear end... I didn't know what happened to my poems after I sent them to the committee... Was it rejected? Or even it was burned for barbeque? It's a mystery... Lol...

One thing I would remember for all my life... Ibu Sulis asked me to duet with her in reading poem for a school event... Ya, actually, it was a small event... No students, just teachers there... But, I was very happy...^^
She also chose me to be the student representative to write a 'kata sambutan' in our yearbook...
She also told me to lead my friends to create a poem about our life in acceleration class...

Really, Ibu Sulis was the one who water me after the seeds of Bahasa Indonesia had been planted in my heart...
Thanks a lot, Ibu Sulis...
Again, Do I make you proud?

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~
Read Comments

Friday, May 16, 2008

Aku mau

Aku mau mendampingi dirimu
Aku mau cintai kekuranganmu

Pertama kali denger lagu ini di MP3ato MP4 naa Nicos, di atas bus 199 balik dari kelenteng... Duuuh, rasanya, terenyuh banget...

Dua baris lirik ini terus muter-muter di kepalaku...

Aku mau mendampingi dirimu
Aku mau cintai kekuranganmu

Sampe kemaren lusa, waktu nonton malam final Miss Indonesia, aku denger lagi lagu ini dinyanyiin Once... Wii, bener-bener deh... Makin dalem aja rasanya...

Aku mau mendampingi dirimu
Aku mau cintai kekuranganmu

Dan aku mikir, apa ada orang yang mau mendampingi aku, mencintai kekuranganku, dan menjanjikan dia selalu ada buat diriku??????
Apa ada yang mau mencintai kekuranganku? Kekurangan lho, bukan kelebihan, secara saya ini penuh kekurangan..

Dan sekali lagi aku mengkhayal...
Dan sekali lagi aku bergumam, "Sapo e yang mau mencintai kekurangan aku selaen papa mama aku?"

Mungkin ada...
Someone...
Yang akan muncul at the right time, right place, and right situation...

I believe...
I will definitely be alright...

Aku mau mendampingi dirimu
Aku mau cintai kekuranganmu

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~
Read Comments

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Mentally or Physically???

Sudah tiga hari berlalu sejak aku balik ke Palembang... Aku sangat berharap hati ini bisa jadi lebih tenang dan sakit ini bisa sembuh dengan sendirinya...
Tapi ternyata, keadaanku masih sama aja...
Masih muntah-muntah sehabis makan, masih pusing-pusing kalo kelamaan berdiri, masih hilang keseimbangan kalo kelamaan jalan, masih sering sakit kepala sebelah, masih ga bisa tidur, masih ini, masih itu, dan masih ini-itu...

Duuh...
Aku sudah ke dokter, tapi kayanya kok ga ada yang berubah...

I need a miracle...

I need a shoulder to cry in, someone to rely on...
But, I cannot find him...

Ke mana aku harus mencari?
Ke mana aku harus membuang semua masalah yang bertumpuk-tumpuk dan mengendap di dalam hati yang kecil ini?

Masalahku terlau besar untuk hatiku yang kecil ini...

Kapankah hatiku bisa jadi seluas samudera???

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~
Read Comments

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

And really, I should thank you...

I love writing... I love pouring all my thoughts into writing...
I think I will write until I am not able to write... I think I will write until my hands are too numb to write... I think I will write until God tells me not to write anything in this world...
I love, really really love writing...
^^

My memory takes me back to the very beginning point of my love to writing... I really think that the thing was the starting point for me...

Long-long ago, about eight years ago, when I was in elementary school grade 4, there was a mass test for all five-best-students in each class... There were 4 classes, so twenty people were gathered and took a test comprised four subjects: Math, Indonesian, Science, and Social... I was the one among those twenty...

Really, at that time, I didn't know which one I liked best... I just knew how to study and got a good result... Lol...

And somehow, I was chosen to be in 'Indonesian' group... I thought that's due to my good handwriting and no other reason... Rather sad, I must say... But now, I knew that's a blessing...
I didn't remember about other group, I just remembered that I was with Valencia, Fransiska, Metha, and Quina...

Then, we were taught how to write properly... Our handwritings (although they were good enough) sometimes still got too italic, or the size was not good, or something like that... We were taught that the size of our handwritings must be one third of the height between one line and another...

After fixing our handwritings, Ibu Elis, our trainer, taught us how to do some Indonesian questions, like we usually did in every 'ujian' or 'ulangan'... Also, she taught us how to write an argumentation, persuasion, and exposition passages... Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you that we had the 'pembinaan' session every Friday from 11 to 12 after school...

Time went on so fast, so that we reached the time when Ibu Elis needed to choose one of us to attend 'Seleksi tingkat kecamatan'... We did some tests, then she chose me... There was just me left to face the competition...

I really remember how intensive I got the 'pembinaan'... Tuesday and Friday after the second break time (so that I didn't need to attend the class), Friday and Saturday after school... Ya, I had to face Indonesian subject four times a week... Wow, that's very amazing experience...^^

During my private 'pembinaan', I was taught a lot of things about Bahasa Indonesia... Ya, a lot, for elementary school student...
I was taught how to write a passage in more than four pages...
I was taught how to read effectively...
I was taught how to give speech...
I was taught how to read a poem...
I was taught how to create a synopsis...
I was taught this and that...

I attended 'Seleksi tingkat Kecamatan' and met Agung and Renni there... They were from another schools... And, fortunately, I won... So, I went to the next round, 'Seleksi tingkat Kota'... The further I went, the more intensive training I got... Maybe I had to face Indonesian subject everyday... I even went to Ibu Elis' house twice a week...

One thing from 'Seleksi tingkay Kota' that I remembered was the 'making synopsis' session... The judges gave us a book to be taken home and we must submit the synopsis on the other day... So, I went to Ibu Elis' house and made it there...

Again, I went to the next round... 'Seleksi tingkat Provinsi' waited for me... I studied much harder... I wanted to go to Jakarta and fighted in 'Seleksi tingkat Nasional', but it was just a dream...

I failed...
Ya, I failed...
Although I had put my best effort in it... I got the best score in answering questions, I wrote the best passage than others, my voice was the most clear in reading and giving speech, and I had tried so hard in reading the poem, but I lost...
I lost because my opponent cheated... I didn't lie... Her mother said herself that they had won due to cheating...
Aaarggghh...

My dream failed there...

But...
I still love writing...
Really really love writing...
Really really love Indonesian language...
^^

Really thanks to Ibu Elis, who taught me lot of things...
Really thanks to all my fellows, Valen, Metha, Quina, and Siska...
Really thanks to the one beat me in 'Seleksi tingkat Provinsi' by colution...
Really thanks to you all...

You made my love to Indonesian much deeper...
Thanks...

Yeah, one conversation between Ibu Elis and I that I will never forget...

Ibu Elis : Feb, kamu sudah bosan belajar Bahasa Indonesia?
Febrina : Ngga, Bu
Ibu Elis : Ngga cape belajar Bahasa terus setiap hari?
Febrina : Ngga
Ibu Elis : Pasti lama-lama kamu bakal bosen dan eneg sendiri liat Bahasa Indonesia soalnya anak-anak yang lama juga gitu

This short conversation ended with my smile... I did think that I would lose my interest in Indonesian, but until now, I never feel bored about writing, or reading poem, or giving speech... I will never 'eneg' to writing...

Thanks...
Thanks...
Thanks...

I don't know how many thanks I should say to you, Ibu Elis...
Because of you, I could survive in every 'little' presentation I made in junior or senior high school...
Because of you, I could be chosen to do 'duet' in reading poem with my teacher in one of the school event...
Because of you, ya, it's really because of you...

And the last question, "Do I make you proud?"

This what we dream about
But the only question with me now
Is do I make you proud
Stronger than I've ever been NOW
Never been afraid of standing out
But do I make you proud

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~
Read Comments

Sunday, May 04, 2008

Let's cheer up together...

I wonder why these days most of my friends look so 'lesu'???? Yap, yap... Most of them look like having no more passion and strength to stand against this world anymore... It looks like they are tired about this life and want to run away...

Looking at them, I remember about myself... This semester, I also feel like I have no more passion, and smile, and laugh, and anything to stand on my own feet and continue my life... I even think of worse things... Ya, they sure make me remember about myself...

I have too much problems, so that I have no smile and more tears this semester... And, I wonder, do they have lot of problems, too?????

Delli... In the last one or two weeks, he looks like having a very huge burden on his shoulder... He used to laugh and make jokes, but these days, he was being more silent... Sometimes I caught him wandering in his own thought... I don't know what is wrong with him...

Henny... My roomie also likes to be caught deep in her own land... She could be much more silent at one time and being cheerful at another time... Is she trying to keep her bad feeling alone? I don't know...

Denny... Since yesterday, he was being so silent... When all of us were laughing, he just smiled... And when we had dinner together, he just ate in silence... Ya, ya, ya, it's something with him, I think... Although he doesn't want us to know...

Jefry... About Jefry, it's just happened today,this evening for precision... He turned up so silent and he said he had lot of things to think about, so that he was more like that...

Phew... I don't know why... Maybe it is a syndrome that caught us one by one???? Or the syndrome came from me??? Phew...

Maybe all of us think that it's no more exam now, so what else should be taken to stress??? But, I caught the phenomenon just after the exam... Ya, you know, there are more things to be thought about...

For all of my friends, let's cheer up together... We have a lot of friends to cheerish us... You don't need to worry about it alone because your friends are here to share with you... I haven't reached the state where I can be a cheerful girl again, but I'm trying to... So, let's attempt it together!!!

Keep fighting!!!!
Semangat!!!
Jia you!!!
Ganbatte!!!

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~
Read Comments

Saturday, May 03, 2008

I love cartoon








I am addicted to Cardcaptor Sakura now!!!^^

After knowing that Agung has a complete series of Cardcaptor Sakura, I handed him my external hard disc and asked him to copy all the animes he had... Haha... I like cartoons very much, although I am this old already... I like to see those cute characters...

Agung gave me Digimon, Cardcaptor Sakura, D. N. Angel, and some cartoons that I forgot now, because my hard disc is in Delli's hand now... And he accidentally throw it several hours ago... Hixx...

Ya, back to Cardcaptor Sakura... This is my favorite cartoon when I was in junior high school... I always watched it, but at the end of my junior high school, the show time was changed and unclear, so that I had to stop watching in routinely... And now, I can watch it everyday... Yippie!!!^^

I have watched 10 episodes now... The story is about a girl, named Sakura Kinomoto... She finds a strange book in the basement of her house and accidentally unseals the book... All the clow cards inside fly away because of a spell she accidentally spells out... Then, the beast of the cards tells her to collect all the cards and become a cardcaptor to avoid all disasters...

She starts to collect all the cards: windy, watery, wood, rainy, flowery, sword, seal, etc... In episode 7, she meets with her rival, Li Shaoran, who is a descendant of the owner of the cards... They become rival in collecting cards and also in love life, to attract Yukito-San...

Haha, enough about Sakura... I really like the film... I remember everytime RCTI screened that anime, Surya would message me and say, "Hey, your favorite film in on TV now... Go and watch it!!"

Haha...
really nostalgic...

Besides that, I also like other animes, like Wedding Peach, UFO Baby, Sailormoon, Chibi Maruko Chan, Doraemon, Detective Conan, Ninja Boy, Kobo Chan, Ninja Hattori, etc, etc, etc... I remember very well how I managed to get up at 6.30 AM just to watch Wedding Peach, then Sailormoon, Doraemon, and also Power Ranger... I was very foolish, I think... I sacrificed my weekend for those cartoons...

Even when I was in senior high school grade three, I still tried to get up at 5.30 to watch Hey Arnold, Spongebob Squarepants, and the other Nickelodeon cartoons...
You may think I am childish, because that is me...^^

You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one...

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~
Read Comments

Friday, May 02, 2008

Is it good for me?

Tuesday, 29th April 2008

I was very blue today... After having my lunch at Canteen 1, my mood automatically turned down... I felt like vomiting, but I couldn't do it... All I had to throw up could not be thrown, including my anger, sadness, and problems... So, I called my mom... I called her and cried, begged her to come and see me... I was sure all I need now is not anything or anyone, but my lovely mom... So, I begged her and I awas very sorry that I made her confused... Hix, I'm a bad child...

Then, before going to Language Puzzle bla bla bla exam, I wrote an e-mail to adom_intnl@ntu.edu.sg...
This is the e-mail...

From: #FEBRINA ARYANI# Sent: Tue 4/29/2008 2:06 PM
To: Adm_Intnl
Cc:
Subject: Business finance MB 102
Attachments:
View As Web Page

Dear Sir/Madam,

My name is Febrina Aryani, Civil Engineering Student, first year. My matriculation number is 078095E03.

I got Business Finance MB 102 for Special Term 1. But, recently I knew that I have an urgent thing to do in Indonesia, regarding with my family problem. So, can you help me drop this course and give it to my friend? He is very willing to get this course, because he wants to take minor in Business. My friend's name is Andre Chandra, EEE student, first year. His matriculation number is 078009H03.

I will be very happy if you can fulfill my request. It is really urgent

Thanks for your help.

Sincerely,
Febrina Aryani
Civil Engineering/1


I clicked the 'send' button with a bunch hope that my request would be fulfilled... I was trying not to put so much hope, but I couldn't do that... I checked my e-mails continuously, but no one left me a message that I wished...

30th April 2008

The same syndrome appeared today... I had a very big tendency to check my e-mail and found the good or bad news inside... But, I went to Jurong East today, so I couldn't check my e-mail... Then, Palzzz got a short gathering session at Seminar Room... (We weatched movie!!Yay!)

I had no time to check and when I checked it at night, my inbox was still the same as before I left it for a day... No reply to my urgent e-mail... I was very sure I didn't send it to a wrong address and this thought led me to a conclusion that my request might not, could not, and will not be fulfilled...

Ya, I was trying to accept the decision since it was my fault anyway... Phew...

1st May 2008

I was really upset... And today, again, I left my computer alone... And again, no important e-mail appears...

I have thought of a negative answer, so I applied for part time job as an usher in CEE tea reception, 17th May 2008...

2nd May 2008

It seemed like I was a 'jalan-jalan' addicted... Haha, today I went again to watch The Forbidden Kingdom... A good movie, I think... Ya, ya... I was very sick and very tired today... Vomiting all the way from NTU to NTU again... Ya, I was sick... I was stressed out... I was sad...

One moment I felt the sick, stress, and sadness flew out from my life was when I saw the subject of one e-mail... Re: business finance MB102... Was it a good or bad news? I calmed myself... A bad or a good news it would be, at least, I got a clear status on my request...

My heartbeat was faster and faster when I decided to read the message...
And this thing appeared on my screen...

Dear Student,

We have given special consideration to your request and have de-registered MB102, index no. 00010 in special term I for you.

Kindly check your degree audit for verification.

Please note that it is the student’s responsibility to add/drop course(s) during the stipulated period.

Do note that similar request to add/drop the course will not be acceded to.

Thanks and Regards,

Xiu Ling


Yay... I felt like I wanted to jump-jump-jump like Tiger, Winnie the Pooh's friend... Yay... I can go back to my mom... Horaay...

Horay...

Yay...

But...
I will leave my roomie...
I will leave Palzzz for one and half months...
I will leave my chance to clear my degree audit as quick as possible...

Phew...
I am very happy, but I felt rather sad... I am so unprincipled...

3rd May 2008

Yosh, I need to make a decision... I decide to go home, and reflect myself... This semester was too heavy for me... I was lack of love, happiness, self confidence, and everything along the way... Really, I want to go home, reflect all my faults, change myself as a new spirit, and come again as a brand new 'Fen'... Hope this time wish can be fulfilled...

The plan for me to go home is in progress...
Looks like I still have something to do...
- GL outing
- OG meeting
- Hall IC meeting
- Taking the 'new' fridge
- Taking the lecture notes for year 2

Yay...
Go home...

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~
Read Comments

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Proposal, oh, Proposal...

Proposal daisakusen sialan!!! Atau komputerku yang sialan? Atau malah k-lite naa??? Ah, paraaah... Masa srt file naa ga kebaca??? Jadi ga ada text naa... So, terpaksa deh buka di mysoju, dan hasilnaa, buffering lama abizz... Huh, betee... Udah buffering naa lama, berhenti di tengah-tengah lagi... Hasilnaa, ya, ini, saya malah ngeblog, sambil nunggu tuh film jalan lagi... Tapi kok kaya naa ga bakal jalan lagi yaah... Huuh... Sebeeel...

Hari ini terlewati dengan lumayan baek... Mulai dari makan di kantin 5, terus muntah di halte hall 5, terus mampir ke Snow City cuma buat foto ama satu boneka salju yang bulet-bulet, terus ke Bugis muter-muter nemenin rumet nyari Hardisc, terus makan di foodcourt, terus muntah di sana, terus ke Kallang, terus foto-foto di sana n kena marah sama satpam, terus naik bus balik ke City Hall, terus balik NTU naik MRT di tengah lautan OI-OI, terus bete karena mysoju ga jalan...

Hixx...

Sediiih...

Tapi hari ini ada yang lucu...

Waktu saya muntah di foodcourt itu, uncle-uncle yang jualan bubur yang saya beli sampe bengong gitu... Kan saya ga tahan lagi, jadi saya muntahin aja tuh mangkok, eh, diliatin gitu sama dia... Mungkin dikiranya makanan naa ga enak banget yaa, sampe saya muntah-muntah... Hahaha... Ato mungkin dia pikir saya ga tahan liat muka dia yang persis berdiri di depan saya?
Jangan-jangan dia lagi ngaca sekarang, sambil latian masak bubur lagi... Hihi...

Waaah, dasar mysoju sialan!

Udah deh, menyerah saya...
Mo tidur aja...

Capek...
Sebel...

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~
Read Comments

My new layout, Welcome

Yippie... Long time no post (or not that long) in my blog... Actually, I want to post a lot of thing but I think I lost my words... Dunno why...

One thing very obvious, I have changed my layout!!! Horraay!!!
I think that my previous layout was very 'suram' and rather creepy... Ya, just like my life, suram, dark, or whatever you want to call it... So, I decided to change my layout in order to change my life... But, really, I am really shy to write this sentence... I have said it hundred times, and my life hasn't changed, even for a little aspect... Really shy...

Why did I choose blue? Maybe some of you know, I like violet very much, so why didn't I choose violet or purple? Because, I didn't find the one that fit my need... Hahaha, no lah... I took blue because blue is in the intersection between joy and sadness... Blue, a simple colour, describes a joy, and calmness, and broad-hearted... But blue is also an idiom for sad... I, like blue, is also in an intersection between joy and sadness... You know what I mean...^^

Anyway, say welcome to my new layout...
Huan ying guang ling...

Lol...

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~
Read Comments