Sunday, November 28, 2010

Until Death Do Us Apart

I found this story in a friend's blog. She pasted it from some other posts, I don't know. It's so inspiring, you have to spend your several minutes to read it.

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.

My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband.... The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.


So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. Matthew 19:6

No more comment. Digest and absorb it well. Love your love until death do both of you apart.

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Friday, November 26, 2010

Again, another heartache.

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Thursday, November 25, 2010


Sometimes life is just a bit unfair to you. You do everything, sacrifice every bit and piece of your life, walk on other's shoes. And what you get is just a heartache.

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Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Harry Potter

Lisa: The saddest part was when Dobby died...
Me : Actually I was sad for each death occured...
Lisa: I didn't feel any sadness when Voldemort died...
Me : I DID... Because I knew the book was going to finish...

Yeah I just watched HP with bf and CEE friends. I was so happy to see this movie improved a lot from the previous ones. One thing that made me sad was the fact that I would not have to wait and long for the continuation of the movies. >.<

I saw Harry, Ron, and Hermione grew up and I know it must be weird not to see them continue blooming in the future.

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Monday, November 22, 2010

Super Girlfriend

A super girlfriend... Tell me how to be the one...

P.S. Is it the one with 8 arms and each of the arms hold broom, mop, agenda, pencil, gun, frying pan, newspaper, and phone?

LOL, I am getting crazier

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Sunday, November 21, 2010

A little bit more

I want to be taken care, like how I used to be treated when I was a child

I want my safety to be concerned, to be worried
I want to be reminded about my meal time, bed time, and study time
I want to be scolded for doing things
I want to be hugged for scoring in my math test
I want to be encouraged when I am down
I want to be given a slice of cake when I get back from school

I just want
a little bit more love
because I think
these days are too dry
too arid
for my heart to bloom

I just want
a little bit more effort
because I think
these days are too foggy
too misty
for my eyes to see it

I just want
a little bit more love
because I think
these days are too stormy
too noisy
for my ears to listen to it

A little more love
Just a little will do
Because I want to feel like a child once more

U're the best I've ever had
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Someone offered me a room
Someone asked for a meet up next few days
Someone thought I loved him
Someone never showed up
Someone made me cry
Someone turned me down

U're the best I've ever had
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Friday, November 19, 2010

The Final Year

This year is the last year of my university life, and I don't know why, all the classmates seem more friendly than before. Some that never smiled to me started to say hi. Some that usually just said a simple hi started to approach me for a little chit-chatting. Some that always talked to me started to talk longer. And some that was so called close to me started to pull themselves closer.

I don't know, maybe they are changing, or maybe I am the one who change. The only thing I know is that I am happy for the blessings. God has given me another year in university, and this is definitely my last year in undergraduate life, and I promise I will optimize the chance You have given. I will live this senior year to the fullest, not just for studying and achieving academic satisfaction, I will also keep playing hard. I will spend the best times with bf, with my IndoCEE friends, and with myself. I will eat, I will play, I will exercise, I will enjoy this short life!!!

Sometimes I felt a bit sad for being a final year student. It's not about the assignments, quizzes, and projects, although they play a part. In near future, there will be no lecturers to be cursed, there will be no quiz questions to be discussed and cursed as well, and there will be no friends with flip-flops, tee, and shorts. What I will find are bosses, meetings, colleagues, and clients. No more professors, no more lectures, no more class mates, and no more university.

Each person in the class has a unique characteristics. Although I hardly know some of them, by seeing them in class for almost seven semesters, I can draw a line, a circle, or even a big house for all CEE students.

The nervous.
The clumsy.
The curious.
The perfectionist.
The bulliable.
The sporty.
The attention getter.
The class skipper.
The arrogant.
The silent.
The cute.
The tomboy.
The lone wolf.

There are too much to be mentioned one by one.

And I want to carve some memories with them also, as friends. That's why I decided to join the DnD committee. I want to create a big big event that all of us can enjoy. I want to create the last sweet memories of our undergraduate life.

I love my life.
God loves me, and He granted me my life.
I love God.

U're the best I've ever had
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Thursday, November 18, 2010


And I ruined my last quiz, as well. I want to curse myself for being such an idiot.
I can just hope that I didn't mess with my exams. I should study hard starting from now on!!!

You know, I start to wonder whether I am really born to study. I just think I can't deal with the pressure of this speedy assessment.

God, please help me.

U're the best I've ever had
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Monday, November 15, 2010

The Prayer

Dear God,

If success is not for him this time, please let him lose in a glory.
Don't hurt him in this way.
I can't see him crushing like this.

Thanks God. I know You will send Your grace to him.

Sabbe satta bhavantu sukhitatta.
Sadhu, sadhu, sadhu.

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Saturday, November 06, 2010


The first time I jogged in the afternoon. SRC looked more vibrant. People enjoyed their weekend in their own good ways: some were playing basketball, some just jogged like me, some ran soooo fast, some played badminton, and some just walked around to enjoy the twilight.

And today I ran around the soccer field 9 times. Yeah, it's sure an improvement. I thought maybe I looked at people doing the same things, I was motivated to do so. :)

I realized, Laurel is the best of the best buddy. She always want to be my company wherever and whenever I go. She never refuses and she never complains. I love her!!!

Oh yeah, I saw so many children today. Some of them just played around, ran and screamed and laughed. And some were playing kites. Yeah, their kites were fabulous: big and colorful. And I thought, I wanted to learn how to fly the kite and I would teach my kids later. I didn't want them to grow up trapped in the house just laying on the couch and playing their iphones.

I love running. I love running. I love running.
Get spirited for a new day tomorrow. :)

U're the best I've ever had
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Friday, November 05, 2010

Money Tree

If only my father had planted a money tree a long long time ago...
It's so fun to imagine that I just need to jump and reach the money...
But, in the reality, I need to be covered in tears, sweat, and blood to get it...

U're the best I've ever had
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Thursday, November 04, 2010

A.p.a i.n.i




















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To Do

HW 310 Presentation
HW 310 Homework
CV 4352 Assignment Submission
CV 4152 Quiz
CV 4901 Progress Report Submission
CV 4901 Modelling
CV 4152 Assignment Submission
CV 4902 Final Report Submission
CV 4902 Presentation Slides
CV 4902 Presentation
CV 4201 Exam
CV 4152 Exam
CV 4151 Exam
CV 4352 Exam

And maybe there are still some quizzes that need to be included inside... And some job applications that need to be submitted, plus school application procedure that I need to go through...

I hope I can survive...

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Tuesday, November 02, 2010

Once Upon A Time

He looked at my diagram very seriously.

He: (nod) Looks good.
Me: ...
He: Hmm, but later in your report...
Me: Ya? *getting excited of receiving comment*
He: Don't use this color. 
Me: *falling to the earth core*


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Monday, November 01, 2010

Reinforced Concrete

Maybe you have seen this, but let me repeat it:

We are the reinforced concrete: you are the concrete and I am the reinforcing bar. You protect me while I strengthen you. We are a perfect couple.

So, Andri Soenoyo, I tell you, you should stay strong, because your reinforcement is always there.
You don't want this reinforcement to feel useless, right????

U're the best I've ever had
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