Will you do everything for me?
You won't, right?
~FeN~
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Friday, August 28, 2009
Aku baru mulai
Dan semua kerja keras ini seperti telah terbayar
Aku telah merasakan lezatnya buah yang bijinya kutanam saat itu
Kini, kembali aku menanam pohon lain dari biji buah yang tengah kumakan
Seperti dahulu, aku yakin buah yang kumakan akan terasa begitu manis dan menyegarkan
Yang harus kulakukan hanyalah menyiram dan memupuknya dengan penuh cinta hingga pohonku akan menghujaniku dengan buah-buah manisnya
~FeN~
Catatan: gambarnya terlalu imut, ya?
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Lembar acak
Waktu menunjukkan pukul sepuluh lebih tiga puluh satu menit jam Singapore. Di sini, mata saya sedang mengawasi jari-jari saya menari-nari lincah di atas keyboard sementara otak saya berputar cepat memikirkan apa saja yang harus diketikkan oleh jemari saya.
Tiga hari berselang sejak awal minggu ini. Iya, hari ini rabu, tapi saya sudah merasa begitu luluh lantak dan ingin libur seharian. Jadwal yang padat ditambah kegiatan ini itu yang sangat menguras tenaga membuat saya benar-benar kelelahan dan merasa tidak tahan. Minggu ini benar-benar merupakan cobaan yang berat buat saya.
Dan hari ini, saya mencoba membuka lecture notes dan tutorial sheets yang sama sekali tak tersentuh sepanjang minggu ini. Namun hati ini tak ada di sana, entah dia sedang berlayar ke mana mencari kebahagiaannya sendiri. Akhirnya tubuh yang ditinggalkan ini berubah warna menjadi biru lalu perlahan jadi kehitaman. Saya kesal pada diri saya sendiri yang seolah tak punya semangat belajar, padahal saya sama sekali tak mengerti apa yang diajarkan. Sungguh, saya merasa malam ini saya bukanlah saya yang biasanya dan saya sama sekali tak suka. Akhirnya darah ini jadi mendidih dan membuat saya begitu sebal pada hidup ini. *kebiasaan lama yang tak bisa ditinggalkan huff*
Akhirnya, otak saya malah berkelana ke mana-mana dan saya teringat papa, papa saya yang tiada duanya.
Mengapa saya berkata demikian?
Pertama, papa tidak pernah sekali pun menyuruh saya belajar. Yang papa lakukan adalah kebalikan dari apa yang biasa dilakukan papa-papa lainnya. Ya benar, beliau sudah sangat sering menyuruh saya berhenti belajar. Haha, lucu, ya? Saya ingat sekali, setiap kali papa melihat saya mengurung diri pagi-pagi buta untuk belajar sebelum ulangan, beliau akan masuk dan menyuruh saya tidak usah belajar lagi. Percaya bahwa kamu pasti bisa, begitu katanya setiap kali.
Kedua, papa tidak pernah mempermasalahkan nilai yang saya dapatkan, mau merah kek, kuning kek, ijo kek, atau transparan sekali pun, papa tak pernah memarahi saya. Yang beliau lakukan hanyalah bertanya, "Sebenarnya kamu ngerti ngga tentang bahan ini?". Lalu ketika saya bilang sebenarnya saya mengerti tapi karena satu dan lain hal jadi tidak bisa mendapatkan hasil yang baik, beliau akan tersenyum dan bilang, "Ngga apa-apa. Yang penting kamu ngerti. Nilai itu cuma di atas kertas.".
Ketiga, papa tidak pernah memarahi saya jika ranking saya melompat indah dari tempat di mana ia seharusnya berada. Yang matanya cari adalah perbandingan antara nilai saya dan rata-rata kelas. Tak perduli saya mau ranking berapa, yang penting nilai saya jauh di atas rata-rata kelas. Malah saya yang biasanya bermuram durja karena masalah ini dan beliau akan marah bila saya jadi begini. "Jangan terlalu perfeksionis," begitu pesannya.
Dan, yah, sepertinya saya butuh papa sekarang.
Cinta dirimu, Pa.
Akhirnya aku menulis tentangmu juga.
U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~
~FeN~
Good Bye
I am tired for always being the minority, I am tired for being left out everytime, I am tired for being the one with no voice, I am tired for being used, I am tired for doing everything I have done for YOU, I am tired. Really really tired.
I have decided, I will give you no more respect 'cause YOU never treat me the same way. I will find another one to shelter. I am sure I'll find it since there are more than enough respects for me out there.
Thank you. Good bye.
U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~
~FeN~
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Just three words to describe
Whenever you are not around, this world stop spinning
Spending time by counting those endless seconds, I feel like dying
Whenever you are far far away, my heart just stops the beats
Waiting for the right one to wake her up, she just waits and waits
Whenever you are not with me, I only want to call everything a day
Missing you so badly, that's the only thing I need to say
U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~
~FeN~
Friday, August 21, 2009
Karang
Mungkin aku terlihat setegar dan sekuat batu karang, tapi air laut tetap terlalu asin bagiku. Aku akan runtuh, kembali ke dasar laut biru. Dan kukira, aku butuh kamu.
~FeN~
Thursday, August 20, 2009
A morning talk
More that 19 years ago, God decided me to be born as a girl, and whoolaa, here I am now, being a 19-year-old girl with a part of feminity and another part of masculinity. Yeah, I am not 100% feminime, of course, I am not those Aphrodite-type of girls whom others adore everywhere. LOL.
Like they say, human is hard to be satisfied, and so do I.
Why I should be thankful for being a girl:
- I can wear so many cute skirts, of course!
- No normal people will asks me to help them moving heavy stuffs here and there. (Okay, while some abnormal one will do)
- No one will gossip about me when I spend more than half an hour in front of the mirror.
- I can keep my hair long without looking as a freak rocker, yeah!
- More than 50% of the shops inside a mall is targetting on female, and hey, I am female, yippie!!!
- It's never been a problem for me to be this short. Moreover, short is cute, ma? ;)
- I can wear lipgloss and high heels, I can spend several hours browsing on beauty catalogues, I can buy lots of cute handbags. Oh my, I just realize there are so many advantages for being a girl!!! Kyaaaaa. XD
But still, I am a human, and I am hard to be satisfied. :]
Why I hope I were a boy:
- Boy doesn't have to deal with such a period problem: the pre-menstruation syndrome, the mood downturn, the leakage, the unsafe feelings for every month. Hey, yeah, this is really a discrimination between girl and boy!!!
- No one will say a boy is crazy and gossip behind him when he is showing his interest towards a girl, while they will say a girl is 'murahan' or something when she does so.
- It takes no time for a boy to forget his pain about love while it takes forever for a girl to weep over and over.
- Boy doesn't need to worry about weight soooo much like girl does and moreover, boys' metabolism is faster, so they can eat freely. Whoaaaa.
- There are much more boys in NTU!!!!
A great morning talk, huh?
Okay, chop chop, get back to reality.
To do list:
- ICN Creative Director internal meeting
- ICN meeting
- N***o's birthday celebration
- CEE Club election rally
- Preparation for election
- Union Day
- Indosupper
- Sell my Lenovo Y2000
Want to have list:
- A Guess handbag cost S$159.00
- A Charles&Keith shoes maybe cost more that S$40.00
- A novel of Nicholas Sparks titled The Lucky One cost S$17++
- An Apple Macbook plus an ipod touch cost S$ 1511.00
- A Nokia E72 maybe cost more than S$350 with contract
- Another Guess Handbag cost S$149.00
Do I need to have them all, acually? We both know the answer, but I still want them ALL.
And, MUST have list:
- A copy of 393 page Red Handbook
Okay, this post is going out of control, now. Better stop it here or it will waste your time and also mine more and more.
Then,
Happy comparing!!!
Girls' rockzzzz!!!
~FeN~
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Boring Time
Since the first time I opened my eyes, I knew there would be something wrong today. Yeah, again, a mood downturn. Sigh, that's why I think being a boy is more entertaining, more pleasing, more this and more that, more everything than being a girl. Boys don't have to deal with hormonal attack and any mood swing. It is great, huh???
I have nothing to do in this small room. Okay, actually, I have no MOOD to do anything in this room. I have wasted so many hours just lying on my bed. And sure, being in this state made my brain crazily wandered here and there. So sorry if this post has nothing but craps. Lol.
I have been staying in this room with a new roomate for almost two weeks. A lot of things I have done in this room: checking in, getting my new keys, shifting, meeting a new roomate, returning my old keys, cleaning the bloody hell dirty new room, unpacking, rearranging things, buying more stuffs, and settling down.
I am okay with this room actually, since I was here back then when I was still a freshie. This room is really really strategic in location. I just need to walk several steps to reach laundry room, pantry, ironing room, and toilet.
See? That's the plan view of my hall and realize it, my room is near to everywhere. I am happy about it. Haha.
But, the thing drives me uncomfortable now is my roomate. She is too lazy to close her window and always like to open the door. That's why mosquitos love my room very much, she invites them every night. Lol.
Two weeks staying here, I feel like containing so much viruses or something like that. Ask me why. My roomate never wants to touch things I've touch. Ow, s**t! She is afraid to get such a epidemic illness from me or what? Or she thinks my hands are always dirty? It really drives me crazy whenever I see her touching the door or everything with her hands covered in a towel. Omigod, am I that bad or dirty or something???? *Sigh*
Apart of that, I am extremely okay with my life now. A good room, a good timetable, a good health.
But now, this time, this moment, I feel really really bored.
It's boring time, Baby!!!
I want to go out. Yayaya, wherever as long as it is a going-out-from-this-ulu-place session. I want to escape from this place and build a happily ever after life everywhere around the world. Yeah, it looks like my brain is going to a state of dysfunctionality. It starts to give me some crazy thoughts. Lol.
By the way, talking about going out and escaping from this bloody hell unknown place, some places suddenly popped up in my mind.
Jurong Point Mall
Sentosa
Japan
Dubai
Rome
Barcelona
Vatican City
Vancouver
Paris
Amsterdam
Venezia
Bunaken
Bali
And of course,
HOME
See? I am about to be crazy about going out and end up imagining places all over the world. In fact, I just need a little more space to stretch up, to escape a while from my boring routinity before being trapped again for the next several months.
The sky is so gloomy now. It looks like rain will be poured from the back of the clouds in no time. Whatever, rain or no rain, I have been feeling soooo bored since this morning, and a little weather change will not change anything, I think.
So boring!!!!
Let's travel, Baby!!!!!
~FeN~
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Untuk sebuah suara
Kala benang tak kasat mata itu menghubungkan kita berdua, jantung ini berdenyut seirama dengan milikmu di seberang sana
"Halo, selamat siang."
"..."
Berjuta kata berkumpul di sudut bibir ini, saling mendorong, memperebutkan giliran untukku berucap dan tunjukkan rasa
"Halo, ini siapa ya? Mau cari siapa?"
"..."
Pergulatan panjang antara kata dan kata tak jua hasilkan untaian-untaian prosa dan puisi indah yang mampu buatmu merekah
"Halo?"
"..."
Akhirnya yang terdengar hanyalah degup jantungku yang semakin cepat seirama dengan milikmu di seberang sana, yang sedang menanti sebuah suara
"..."
"..."
Cklek. Sambungan terputus.
Kebodohanku terulang. Lagi-lagi aku biarkan kau menggunting benang tak kasat mata itu sebelum aku sempat mengucapkan sebuah kata
"Tut, tut, tuuuut."
"Halo?"
~FeN~
Friday, August 14, 2009
Blog Award
Weekend's coming!!! After a shocking day yesterday, I really got no mood to do anything, except blogging. Soooo many things have come up in my mind since this morning I opened my eyes, but I have no idea how to write all of them. It looks like all of them were just fighting against each other to go out from my brain and boom, the channel was just clogged.
So, now, since I don't know what to write, I will just do the 'homework' that another blogger has given to me. Yupppp, thanks to Arina Ariyani, the one who generously tagged me in her blog and gave me this award. Yeah!!!
Okay, here we go!
Below the tasks that I should done !
1. Put these awards into your blog
Yeah, I've put them, and see, they are sweet, right??? ;)
2. Tag 5 (properly 10) friends
U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~
These are people I decided to tag:
- Silasirini Lisa Wen : She is my best friend!!! And sure, GIRL POWER exists inside her soul. I am very proud of you, Dear!!! :)
- Valencia Christanto : Another best friend, yeah!!! A future architect, yes, she is. And you know, we are friends since our first year in elementary school. ^^
- Berlina Winata : My senior in NTU Civil and Environmental Engineering. Same with me, she likes writing, and really, I like her writing style very much!!!
- Gibran Limi Jaya : Another friend from NTU. He's upgrading his degree now, and some years later, when I meet him, I must call him The Master. Lol.
- Vindy : She is sure a cute CEE-mate, and I just knew one or two semesters before that she actually had a blog. But, she seldom update it. Hey, I tag you so that you have something to write!!! ;P
- Jesica Glenny : She is my friend since elementary school, a future fashion designer, and her blog is really entertaining. I never stop laughing while reading her blog.
- Ratna Puspita Hapsari : Another blogger and I met her in junior high school when we were taking tata boga as extracurriculer activity. So, when will we make pizza again? ;)
- Herry Gunadi Sudibya : He's the one who dragged me to the blogword and I really enjoy it now. Thanks a bunch, Ko!
- Jessica Chandra : A little friend. I knew her from friendster, and she happened to 'know' my brother, also. A newbie in blogworld, so I tag her to give her some inspirations to write. Lol.
- Dharma Delli Hakim : My forever friend, the best I've ever had. Such a long time with no post, Bro!!! I am waiting to read the latest news of yours. =]
3. jawab pertanyaannya!
Actually, I wonder why this question suddenly turned into Indonesian. Maybe some bloggers modified this award. Haha, whatever, I'll just do it.
Since the questions is in Indonesian, I will also answer it in Indonesian. No objection, right? So, let's do it!!!
*Five things found in my bag : strepsils, tissue, wallet, coin pouch, red jacket
* Five things found in my purse : money, identity cards, ATM cards, debit cards, photo
* Five favourite things in my room : lenovo winnie the pooh series, kulkas, treasure box, toples beruang, handphone (bingungggg, soalnya ngga demen sama kamar ini tralalala)
* Five things always wanted to do : belajar main piano atau biola, parasailing, keliling dunia, maraton baca novel, menulis novel
* Five things I currently into : telpon mama, chatting2, plurking2, kuliah, bersyukur atas hidup
* The person who inspired you now is : MAMA!!!
* Punya hand phone ? Yeap
* Merk / tipe handphone ? Nokia E65 Red yg suka ngehang dan bikin keki
* Warna/thema apa yg dipakai sekarang ? Yoyo Cici
* Wall paper ? tak ada
* Warna casing ? merah tralala
* Aplikasi/folder yg pertama kali kelihatan begitu tekan tombol menu ? main, connect, tools, office, media, installation, help, singtel menu, web
* Bahasa yg digunakan di Hp ? English donk
* Kapasitas baterai saat ini ? penuh, secara baru ngecas tadi pagi
* Pakai slot memori / jenis ? err, gatau
* Total kapasitas slot memori ? makin ga tau lagi, 256 kali
* Choice ; banyak terisi utk apa memorinya ? lagu2 yg ga pernah didengerin
* Ada fitur koneksi Bluetooth ? yap
* Nama Bluetooth kamu saat ini ? ~Da'FaBuLouZzz^^~
* Aplikasi yg sering kamu gunakan ? pertanyaannya makin geje nih, gatau. pake hape cuma buat sms sama telpon
* Sisa pulsamu saat ini ? ga pake pulsa, coy
* Provider seluler yg kamu pakai ? Singtel
* Nomer Hp ? 82230***
Yeah, finish!!!^^
~FeN~
Sedikit bercerita
Beberapa jam yang lalu aku sama sekali tak merasakan hal ini, tapi sekarang aku merasa bahwa aku sepenuhnya belum dewasa.
Beberapa jam yang lalu aku menangis meraung-raung sambil mengumpat-umpat bahwa dunia ini tidak adil. Aku bagaikan seorang balita yang menginginkan sebuah mainan, tapi tidak ada yang mau membelikannya untukku. Tak berapa lama, seorang balita seumuranku datang, mengambil mainan itu, dan melenggang dengan riangnya menuju kasir.
Dia merampas mainanku, dia mengambil mainanku, dia mencuri milikku!!!
Begitu pikirku beberapa jam yang lalu.
Sungguh, kini aku malu dengan apa yang kulakukan saat itu. Aku benar-benar tak sadar bahwa mainan itu bukanlah milikku, jadi siapa pun boleh dengan senang hati mengambilnya. Toh, aku belum membayar. Walaupun mataku yang menangkap refleksi mainan itu terlebih dahulu, bukan berarti aku bisa melabeli benda itu dengan namaku. Bagaimana pun, mainan itu bukan milikku, dan aku harus terima itu.
Kini aku tahu, yang harus aku lakukan hanyalah mengikhlaskan semuanya. Tuhan pasti punya rencana yang lebih indah untukku, dan semua itu menanti di ujung sana.
Semua akan jadi indah pada saatnya.
Terimakasih untuk mama, papa, Delli, teman-teman sesama Plurkers, dan juga dia yang namanya belum boleh disebut. I owe you!!!
~FeN~
Tawa
Dan sekarang, aku hanya ingin tertawa. Bersama dunia, akan kutertawakan semuanya, bahkan hidupku yang gelap gulita. Dan dunia ini akan jadi mangkuk berisi tawaku, dan dunia ini akan jadi lebih gegap gempita, dan dunia ini suatu saat juga akan kutertawakan. Aku tak perduli, aku hanya ingin sebuah tawa yang tanpa akhir, hingga aku tenggelam dalam gelak-gelak tawaku sendiri.
~FeN~
Monday, August 10, 2009
The wanderer is wondering
"Yes, of course," you answered.
Then, we continued walking, in silence.
"Can we get a rest?" I gasped, "I am tired."
"No, you can't," you said so firmly, "We need to continue walking. You see that oase? That's our destination. We are about to reach it, so we must keep walking and walking."
I nodded, and you held my hand, showed me the way.
I walked slower and slower. You kept walking constantly. You couldn't bear with my decreased speed, you felt so dissapointed, you were angry, you scolded me but still held my hand.
I started to cry, but my tears never came out. It was too dry to cry. I cried without tears and you hauled me to that oase.
I wondered myself, "Can I feel the water when we get there?"
U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~
~FeN~
Sunday, August 09, 2009
Sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh
I am sick now!!!
Yes, I am sick, litterally. I am really really sick that I am always be the one who is very friendly with any sicknesses. *sigh*
It hasn't been a week since I came back here, but I have been so sick of this life. I felt unhealthy since Friday evening, after I came back from the library. I think I am allergic with the library, LOL.
And now, I am here, with running nose, sore throat, dizziness, and sweats all over my body, trying to get connected to the world, but it seems like they are having fun somewhere else without bothering about internet and virtual world. *sigh again I am alone*
Ohmigod, I feel like a pig or something. After having my lunch, I had my medicine, then I went to sleep. It will continuously build a cycle and turn me into a real and fabulous pig. Oh, Gosh. Sleeping after eating is not a good idea. Hmphm. *sigh sigh sigh I will suddenly transform into a pig*
Happy birthday, Singapore!
Hope:
- Get well before the start of the semester which is Tuesday
- Don't get swine flu or something scary illness
- Get a single room, of course
Need:
- Good medicines for all these sicknesses that sure can drive me crazy
- More chicklits
- More privacy
- Someone to calm me down and assure me that I am okay
To do:
- Clean this dirty and messy room
- Iron all of my clothes which is now lining on the dryer outside
- Refill my Shokubutsu moisturizing body foam
- Prepare my stuffs to start my new journey of education
- Be thankful for everything God has given me
Not to do:
- Stare at the screen for all day long
- Feel so lazy to start the school
- Make Strepsils my main food
- Transform into a real pig
- Curse my life: my messy double room, my friends, my roomate, my mom's XL number, my loneliness, my sicknesses, my everything
U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~
~FeN~
P.S. Sorry for the errors I've made in this post. I can't think about any grammar kinda thing.
Saturday, August 08, 2009
New
And here I am now, sitting in front of my screen to type all of this words in this post. I've come back to Singapore, I've got a room at NTU Hall 6, I've shifted all my stuffs into my new room, I've undergone all of my 3-month holiday, I've printed out some of my lecture notes, but I haven't been ready for the new academic year, the new semester.
But, whatever it is, I must face it!
- A new semester with new notes, new lecturers, new spirit
- A new double room with a new roomate
- A new task with a bunch of new committee (ICN yeah!)
Actually, I don't know what to write now. I've lost my intention to update this blog due to Plurk. I keep updating this social networking site while abandoning the other sites. Haha, I am really crazy to boost my karma and enter the nirvana. (Puzzled? Just sign up via that link and you will understand it by heart, LOL.)
And, really, now, I have no idea what to write.
Anyway, talking about a new semester, this is my fifth semester in Nanyang Technological University. Yeah, time sure flies so fast. Actually, I can still remember so clearly my first day here without realizing that I am not a freshie anymore!!! I am a third year student now. Oh, Gosh, I think in no time, my convocation will come. Noooooo, I am not ready for working life.
This semester, I will take six core subjects and one unrestricted elective subject. And guess, all of them are examable!!! So, I will have seven exams this November. Oh Lord, please help me go through all of these.
- CV 3101 Structures II
- CV 3201 Reinforced Concrete Design
- CV 3202 Steel Design
- CV 3301 Foundation Engineering
- CV 3401 Transportation Engineering
- CV 3501 Environmental Engineering
- HMF1 French Level 1
I think this semester's subjects are tougher than before, so I have to fight, fight fight!!!
Happy new semester!!!
^^
U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~
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