aLL 'BouT 'Fe-Ar'

Two Zero One Two, a fruitful year indeed.

I never realize that dates keep passing and bring me to the end of the year in a glance. I can still remember how I spent my new year eve last year. I am so grateful that another year is coming and I hope it brings me more joy, more blessing, more smile.

I have gone through another year, I have become older by one year. This year journey is really a good one. With a lot of ups and downs, I wish I am wiser now.

Lesson 1
I learned that people were wearing their masks all the time, but the masks would sure be broken one time and I would get a chance to see the true colors. I should not be to naive to believe in people so easily and let them trap me in their spider web.

Lesson 2
You can't have ideal condition as what you wish. There is no such a thing as isolated environment. Everything is contributing to the causes and effects. There is no ideal boss, ideal colleagues, ideal boyfriend. All are purely one's expectation. So, perseverance is the key.

Lesson 3
Sometimes life push, pull, and twist you but you must still move on. I got a lot of stress throughout the year but I was finally here. One piece, as a whole.

Lesson 4
Friends are those who stay by you no matter what shape you are in. I have friends that value me, accept me for everything I am, and I am grateful for that. I am grateful for the technology that bring those far far away friends nearer to my heart.

Lesson 5
People may or may not see your hard work, but your heart knows everything. Therefore, keep performing the best and put your biggest effort for every single thing you do. You will fill the joyous bubbles when your heart rewards you for your hard works.

Lesson 6
Nobody in this world is up to no good. You are the one who should make your presence felt!

Earlier this year, I was so high tempered. I threw tantrum easily, I cried like a leaked pipe, I expected so much from everybody, I wanted everything to flow as what I wanted. Fortunately, I managed to control my expectation and got myself more calm. And surprisingly, I am much happier now.

Until mid of the year, I rarely exercise. I decided to change my lifestyle afterwards. Now I am a different girl with a healthy lifestyle.

Throughout this year, I learned a lot about my job. Sometimes I looked back and compare myself with Febrina a year ago and I could find so much difference. I am more into my job now, I have more understanding, and I dare to speak up more. I am so grateful that I had a chance to witness factory acceptance test of my tunnel boring machine and got priceless experience. I am grateful.

Now this is the time for me to think about my future. I am still in the dark. I don't know what I want and I don't know whether I am heading to the right direction. I need a compass.

Thanks Two Zero One Two! Thanks for equipping me with so many things inside my rucksack. I will continue my journey and meet your siblings out there. You will always be remembered and never forgotten.

Merci beaucoup!

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

I'm wondering and keep wondering, is there any reason for me to feel the dissapointment, the frustration?

Life has given me you but life has taken you out of my life. I feel the distance although we are walking side by side.

No words, no gestures, nothing. All I can feel is the emptiness. It's like a cup that has been drunken until the last drop. Only air is left inside, it's empty.

I feel like I keep trying to fill this empty cup but the water keeps spilling and I end up clearing the mess instead of filling the cup.

Maybe the cup is broken, maybe not.
Maybe the table is not stable, maybe not.
Maybe you just refuse to have a full cup, maybe not.

I don't know.

I've been happy with the cup, whether it's full or empty. But I guess we will be happier if we fill up the cup, drink it to the bottom of our heart and refill it again. We can drink until we are drunk with each other's love.

I know we can, it's just whether we are willing to.

I miss the old time, Baby.

I wish you miss it, too

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~