aLL 'BouT 'Fe-Ar'

10.27AM
Today is my last day of work. I am so sad, yes. I feel so reluctant to leave, yes. I love being here, yes. I like people here, yes. But, I know I gotta go, of course.

On the first few weeks, I admit, I felt like finishing this internship fast. I wanted time to fly, fly, fly and bring me to 11th June as soon as possible. Today is 11th June, but I don't feel too much happiness. I know I have waited this day since the first time, but today I want to rewind this beautiful journey.

Today I felt so reluctant to wake up, to dress up, to catch the bus and train, and to walk towards this office because I know later I need to make my last step in this path and enter another gate of a new chapter. And this is really the last day. I should be strong and leave this company with a big smile. I know it's hard, but I should.

They said I could come back here if I want. Maybe I will come back after my graduation, but there will be a main difference in everything: my status. Now I am an intern, and later I will be an employee. Everything will be different, I am 100% sure. But time passes and people change, so I should accept that this internship experience can only be felt once in a life time. And I am grateful. :)

I have given the bookmarks I created for my team people and I hope they find it useful for them. I want to, at least, fill a page in their lifes and maybe they can bookmark the page with the one I provide. :)

2.50PM
I am in the finishing line of my last work in this company. I was happy to clear this job before I left. I was happy to help SJ. I will close this chapter with a hardwork.

I really love my colleagues here. They are kind and sweet, just like cotton candy. When you eat cotton candy, the sweetness will melt in your tounge and now when I feel their kindness, the sweetness of them melt in my heart. I will remember this internship for the rest of my life, for sure.

3.49PM
In less than 2 hours, my e-mail address will be deleted, my staff pass will be taken, and I will officially leave this company. I hate this damn slow computer, but now I am sure I will miss it.

4.21PM
Now my heart has released the tense. I have been calm enough to handle this farewell. I will leave this company with a big smile. Maybe I will not come back, but maybe I will. God will lead me through the best way, I am sure.

4.57PM
I am sending those thank you e-mails to my colleagues. I really mean every words written there.

5.01PM
I am gonna end it now. With a SMILE.

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Is Singapore a stressful country?
And I guess the answer is a BIG YES!

This morning, for the 3rd time, I saw people talking alone in the train.

The first one was inside the EWL train, this old man talked in dialects alone, but he acted as if there's someone besides him. He talked over and over to this 'imaginary friend' and sometimes he stopped to listen to what his 'friend' was talking to him. At first I thought he was calling someone but I saw his two hands were too free to gesture. And I was scared.

The second one was inside the same train at different time. A lady, maybe in late 20 or early 30, was singing alone with full expression and a bit dancing. This one was not that obvious, actually, but she stood in front of me. That's why I could notice every single thing she was doing that time. I thought she was going to an audition or something since her dress was quite catchy, but who knows?

And the third one was again inside EWL train. I didn't realize it before I saw a lady besides me looked at the right direction. This man was talking very loud to be heard clearly by the whole compartment as if he was giving some kind of orations or sermons. He gestured, he tried to make eye contact, he walked around, he sighed. I was too curious not to look at him, but my bad luck, he caught my eyesight and smiled to me. I just turned my face away and pretended not to see.

After alighting at Lavender, I was thinking of the motive behind those behaviours. Were they upset? Did they fail on to something they dreamt the most? Weren't their relatives and friends around to care for them? Were they too perfectionist?

I guess Singapore is just a little dot with too high pressure. The load imposed to this place is too big compared to the area resulting in a high pressure.

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

I always thought that I was so lucky to be attached to this company. Nothing to regret, that's what I told myslef. I learnt a lot, I met super nice colleagues, I got a good working environment, I enjoyed every moment.



U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Welcome, June!
Summer has come although Rain still pay some visits very often. Soon, it is going to be the halfway of the revolution of the earth against the sun. Soon, it is going to be another holiday. Soon, it is going to be another semester. Soon, it is going to be another new year. And soon, yeah, very soon, it is going to be the future.

And my future is sure determined by my past and present, chapter by chapter of my book: how I struggled to reach this place, how I pushed myself to be accepted inside my new environment, how I made myself contribute to the school and company I am attached, how I choose my final year project, how I select my specialization, how I get through all these four years. I am sure that God counts every drop of sweat, tear, and blood of mine in this war. I have lost so much but God will give me even more. :) :) :)

There were times I felt like surrendering and giving up all the way. I really thought to stop all the effort I have been putting. Sometimes I felt that my brain capacity wasn't enough of dealing with this place. Sometimes I felt that no one understood and it's better for me to go back home. Sometimes I just felt lacking of true friends. Sometimes I was sick of the everlasting competitions. Sometimes it was nothing but the thought of quitting school.

But there were always some ways for me to get my spirit back. Mom. Bf. My best friends. My dreams of future. Even my enemy.

This half year really takes a big part in shaping my future for sure. I learnt a lot from my two and half year study in NTU, but I learnt more during my half year internship in AECOM Singapore. I am grateful. Really really grateful.

And I have almost finished my chapter in this company. Another chapter will come to me very soon: the senior year. I will not spend my last year with singing and dancing like those High School Musical casts were doing, but I will sure enjoy my final chapter in my undergraduate life. Maybe sometimes I will cry, maybe sometimes I will fall, but I am sure that I will find a happy ending. :)

The new chapter is standing in front of my doorstep now, waiting for me to open the door and let it in. The Final Year Project list has been released yesterday. The course planner will be opened on 10th June. The deadline for choosing FYP will be 23 days from now and the course registration will be done before the end of the month. The FYP allocation result will be announced on late August, as well as the new term starts. And by that time, I will be tasting the first sip of my final year.

But before that, let me close this chapter with a wonderful ending.
I love my life.
J'aime ma vie!

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~