aLL 'BouT 'Fe-Ar'

It's October!

And today marks the exact 16 months of my working life in this company. So many things have happened throughout this short period of time: I learn new things, I know more people, I get new experience. So many emotions I have felt as well throughout these months: happiness, satisfaction, bonding, love, anger, disappointment, frustration, stress, everything. However, I am thankful for this learning opportunity. I am blessed.

There were times when I found myself standing in the middle of nowhere heading nowhere and aiming nothing. I was just lost in space, in time, in everything. Being bored down with all the paperwork, routine, and meetings, as well as being tied up with the hectic working hours, I really felt that this was not what I wanted. Getting no such appreciation but more demands and critiques made me feel like resigning even more.

But, when I thought back, "What is my reason being here?", I realized that I had yet to achieve what I wanted to see and experience. And most importantly, I have not been seen. I am still drowning (or someone drowns me) and rolling in the deep sea. So, I should make my way up there and show everyone my capacity. I am not just a little girl that they can underestimate or bully. I am a very huge girl, deep in my mind and deep in my heart.

I realize that people may not think I am capable in doing certain things due to my age and my minimum experience in this line, but this motivates me to show them that the willingness to learn can beat everything. I am a learner and only a learner can walk on the path regardless of the obstacles.

So, I agree (and I assume you agree) that this is not my time to move on yet. I still have some tasks to do before I can decide what I really want for my future. School? Design firm? Contractor? Another line of job? Who knows?

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~