aLL 'BouT 'Fe-Ar'

I am so excited about my life, nowadays. A lot of tasks to do, a lot of goals to achieve and I love them all.

Although my job is not the ideal job I've been dreaming about, I am on my way to enjoy every single second of it. I will never know when is my last breath, so I am trying to live as if I am going to die tomorrow.

I dream big and I am sure I can achieve my dream with the power of determination. I am going to fight until the end. I am going to sip the happiness I deserve.

I just gotta move like Jagger and rock this world!!!



U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Aku sadar, aku masih belum bisa mencintaimu dengan cara yang seratus persen tepat. Egoisme yang berlebihan seringkali membuatku terpeleset ke lubang yang sama: pertengkaran. Tapi, Sayang, tak selamanya bertengkar itu salah. Itu hanyalah salah satu cara untuk kita mengekspresikan harapan dan kekecewaan kita. Tak ada kata sempurna, tapi kita sedang berjalan beriringan untuk kesempurnaan itu.

Marilah kita belajar untuk saling mencinta dengan bijaksana, dengan cara yang tepat dan apa adanya. Marilah kita saling percaya dan biarlah cinta kita terus dan terus berkembang hingga akarnya merasuk dan tak akan bisa tercerabut dari hati kita.



U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

It's too much to get me fed up...
The ups and downs...

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Today when I was walking towards the office, I thought about how blessed I was to be surrounded by magnificent people. God is so good that He sends me a bunch of beautiful souls to linger in my life. My chest is filled up with happiness that it is going to explode and shoot sweets all over the place.

Yes, I am blessed. I am very blessed.

And I am really thankful that I have someone to take care of me when I am this far away from the home. This post, is dedicated to him.

Who is he?

Long time ago, he was my friend.
Now I call him my boy.
Later he will be my guy.
And in the future, I really wish he is my man.

On top of all, he is my teacher, my brother, my guardian, my opponent, my buddy, my love. He is my everything.

Momma said home is where the heart is when you left the town~~~

I don't like being looked down, yet I don't like being judged as good for nothing. I am sure I have my own value, I am sure I am as capable as anyone else on this earth although I am just an Indonesian, I am just 21 years old, or I am just a girl.

No, I am not JUST a girl, I am a girl which I am proud to be. I am as good as any guy. You name it, I'll beat it. I am pretty sure I can.

But, being inside an organization that values guys much higher than girls, I really can't stand but to feel demoralized. I am sick of being looked down as if I can't do any single thing well just because I am born to be a girl. Some even never want to look at me as if I am invisible. Crap.

And you see, I will be stronger than any guy you have here. I will be tougher. I will be the winner, and I will be the one who smile at the end.

I am a girl, but that doesn't mean guys are better than me. I am comparable to them, I even can exceed their standard. So watch out your mouth!!!

You're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

There is still 1 month and 10 days for me to be in this state and each day, the syndrome is getting worse. I don't know what it is, but I call it guilty syndrome. Yes, wherever I go, whatever I do, I feel so guilty of not holding my books and notes. I need to study and whenever I don't do so, the bell inside my head starts ringing and telling me that I slack too much.

I want this 28 September come faster, but I am afraid I cannot finish my study.

Oh, Man!!!

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Whatever I say, whatever I do, there's no point for us to agree...

So...

Should I just shut this f***ing mouth up?

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Berdiri kita di titik yang sama, di bawah langit yang sama
Bernapas dengan oksigen yang sama


Tapi
Apakah masih sama isi hati kita?


Ketika bumi terus dan terus berputar
Kita ikut berputar-putar di dalamnya
Begitu juga cinta kita
Dan hidup kita


Aku dan kamu, kita sedang diaduk-aduk di dalam wajan besar
Isinya segala macam benda segala macam warna
Air yang panas membakar kulitku
Benda-benda bertubrukan dengan tubuhku
Aku tergores, luka, dan berdarah
Aku hancur


Dan kau
Aku tak tahu lagi di mana dirimu
Terlalu banyak benda-benda warna warni di antara aku dan kamu


Apakah dirimu terluka?
Apakah kulitmu tersayat?


Apakah kamu mencari aku?


U're the best I've ever had 
~FeN~

After a long and tiring weekdays, I thought we would have some fun over ourselves... But now I realize, I will just get another day of lonely time...

And sometimes I asked myself, "Do I really have someone?". The answer is absolutely yes, but the guy is just too far from where I am. He's in the different world.

Can I summon him and get back what once I had?

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~