aLL 'BouT 'Fe-Ar'

I was relaying this story to my best friend.

Once upon a time, in a meeting room, I was talking to one of my contractors. Someone was not very happy to see me talking to people, and that someone interrupted our small chat.

Someone: Tomorrow is your last day, huh?
Contractor: Noo, Saturday.

And a very surprising follow up I have ever heard came out of that someone's mouth, "Last Saturday, huh?"

So I told my friend, I don't know what was that inside that someone's head. Maybe the brain is not there, the brain is located inside the panties. The panties are washed very frequently so the brain is damaged.

What a smart girl my friend is. This is her response: Someone is a goldfish which every two seconds lose the memory and looks very blurred.

I laughed so hard. Alone. To my computer.

What a day.

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

When my teammates' names were announced, a bunch of friends from my team applauded and shouted so hard as a form of their support. When it was my turn, they did the same thing, too. Therefore, DCE said, "Congratulation, you have so many fans down there."

Yeah, my promotion is not worth to be congratulated, yet the support is. :)

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During the promotion ceremony, all the promotees were seated in alphabetical order to wait for our turn to shake hands with the big shots. We were chatting through What's App because we were separated by the first letter of our name.

G: This thing reminds me of graduation. We need to queue so long.
F: Yes, correct.
S: I even see some ladies with flowers. It makes it looks even more like convocation.
F: Next year we can consider opening a booth out there to sell flowers and plush toys. We can customize the Teddy Bear with shirt written "I am SPE/DPM/PM/etc".
L: Yea, good idea. But you should not produce too much "I am DD/PD" teddy because there are not many of them.

We are more excited of making money out of the event rather than the promotion. :P

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When I was having an appraisal evaluation with my boss

Me: So, being promoted, what should I do?
Boss: Give treat lor!
Me: ...

Apparently nothing will be changed by the promotion since I am still at the bottom and every single shit will still be thrown to me.

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Some people think promotion and appraisal are only about money, money and money. But, for me, this is about value. I can see how my bosses value me through the appraisal and the score I get. Now I understand that my value is not that high and I have been exploited so far.

I shall not work smart, and not work hard.

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U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Dream
I have a dream but I have no guts to pursue it. I am such a loser, yes I am.

Comfort
It is not comfortable here but I am still afraid to step out. I want to move out and move on. Can I?

Value
I feel none value me and it hurts people who actually put their best effort for me. Forgive me.

Words
People speak, people hurt me. I speak, I hurt people. This world is a battlefield, isn't it?

Farewell
There is no good bye, there is see you later. I shall meet you again. This world is not big enough, no?

Friendship
I have many friends, but only few are friendship. We sail in this ship together, we live happily ever after. Thanks.

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

People come, people go. When there is a hello, there will be a goodbye.

One and a half year is not long, yet it is not short enough to disregard everything that has happened. I have been here for one and a half year with each and every one of my team members, either my LTA team or the contractor.

I am a client, but I never put myself as an opponent or boss of my contractor. I make them my friends within my working life. I have been very close with a few of them and I feel comfortable around them.

And sadly to say, two of them are going to move out and move on.

I am sad but I wish them all the best!!!!

Me: I am sad!
Him: Why sad?
Me: Why do you need to go?
Him: I will come back...
Me: 3 years later, the project has been finished...
Him: Next project, if you can't be PM, maybe a DPM, we will meet again... I am Construction Manager, you are DPM... Next project...

Amen~~~

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Life always gives thousand and one way to make me strong. From those who hate me, those who love me, and any other who just don't know me...

Thanks, Universe...

Even in this difficult time, I am still very blessed...


U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Bersama itu sendiri
Sendiri itu bersama

Bersama nikmati cinta
Sendiri menelan pahit duka
Walau bersama terasa bagai sendiri
Ketika sendiri sadar sebenarnya bersama

Bersama bukan berarti tak sepi
Sendiri bukan berarti mati

Bersama tak kan selamanya
Sendiri pun tak kekal

Bersama itu sendiri
Sendiri itu bersama

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Moments back in my hometown are the best. I spent ten days although it felt like a blink of eyes. I was full of everything, I was content, I was showered with all the love and care. I love my home.

Now I have come back here. I wish I spent more time there.

I only have mom, dad, and bro. But that's enough. Chinese New Year is the time to gather with your family, no matter how small it is. After a year being far from home, I understand how precious a home is.

My home is...
... where I ate and slept and showered
... where I laughed and cried
... where I got angry and overjoyed
... where I studied and played
... where I watched TV and listened to radio
... where I phoned my besties and talked for hours
... where I spent time with my family

I don't know whether I can create a home that my mom and dad have created for me and bro. I am still in the dark, I don't know to where this life is gonna land, but I really wish that I can build a great home for my children in the future. I want them to be attached with their parents just like bro and I are attached to our home.

I was sorry that bro could only spend four days with us as he needed to rush back to his study. However, we had our best time together. I really love him, my only brother.

Now I have come back here, I miss my home even more. This place is not a home, this is just a hotel. I am a traveler and one day, I will be back home.

People get ready, get ready

Cause here it comes, it's a light

A beautiful light, over the horizon

Into our eyes

Oh, my my how beautiful

Oh my beautiful mother

She told me, son in life you're gonna go far

If you do it right, you'll love where you are

Just know, wherever you go

You can always come home

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Yesterday was my birthday, yes my 23rd birthday. I am grateful that I am still alive, as a whole, now.

I am getting older, yes, but people say age does not matter. As long as you are living your life fully and contributing yourself to others and the society, you can be 60 year old and feel like 20 inside. I believe I can be forever 20. Forever.

I received quite a number of birthday wishes. From my family, my besties, my junior high school friends, my bf. I refused to put my birthday in Facebook because I feel there is no point of getting birthday wishes from people who happen to look at the notification at right hand corner of the page. I feel more joy when I know certain people still remember my birthday.

I remember how I used to received birthday wishes through SMS. With my Nokia phone, I usually created one folder to contain those. When I felt lonely, I would open the folder and read through the messages and felt loved once more.

I have never been given a surprise party from my friends. Somehow and sometimes, I think about the pleasure that it will bring when your loved one storm into you and celebrate your birthday like they really mean it. I am longing for that kind of feeling. Even once is already satisfying for me.

The start of my 24th year on this world. I shall be better, I shall shine brighter, and I shall get wiser!

Sabbe Satta Bhavantu Sukitattha...

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

On Skype
Me: Lagi apa?
Her: Lagi main pura-pura mati di ranjang

At the office
Me: (holding a black marker) Is this my marker?
OB: I have also.
Me: This is your marker or mine?
OB: I have marker, same same one.
Me: So this is yours?
OB: My one is blue.
Me: SO THIS IS MINE LAH! Alamak.

During training
Trainer: I always wake up very early, that's why after 5pm, my brain is on screen saver mode. So, my wife always tells me, at night do not talk...
Trainee: (while scribbling) ... to strangers...
Trainer: W!@#$%^&*()

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~