aLL 'BouT 'Fe-Ar'

Mom: Kalo emang ga hepi sama kerjaan yang sekarang, cari kerjaan baru la, pindah... Daripada kamu stress...
Me: Nantilah, mau tahanin dulu...
Mom: Tapi kalaupun udah pindah ke tempat baru belum tentu bisa dapet lebih baik dari yang sekarang...
Me: Makanya... Udah la, enakan pulang rumah aja, belajar masak terus ikut audisi MasterChef tahun depan...
Mom: Gaya kamu, masak telor setengah mateng aja belum tentu bisa...
Me: *jleb*

Mom never fails to cheer me up!!!!

Love you!

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

I have a friend. She was attached for 3 days before breaking up with her boyfriend.

I have another friend. She worked for 2 days before she resigned and joined other company.

I have one more friend. He joined this company out of curiosity, managed to bear with it for one month, and quit.

I wonder whether it is so easy to walk away.

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

This is definitely not what I want, but it turns out this way.

I can't guess what is there in front since my future is still wrapped nicely in that box.

I just want to fix this thing, I just want to be sure that you are waiting for me inside that box.

Can I be assured?

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

I have three friends that are closest to me right now. Thanks a lot to smart phones and Whats App that bring us together. There are no days without chatting with them and they are one of the reasons for me to survive. We can talk about anything, from the works, friends, habits, life difficulties, achievement, high school memories, new crush, and any other thing. We usually give advice to each other, show the third-party perspective, and help each other in making decision.

One time, I so hated this person and we got this person a nickname: boss sok besar. The other time, my friend was telling a bit of her interest towards this guy, and this guy suddenly had a code name: Agak-Agak. There were still so many funny names we created. I did not think people will understand what we talked about if they scrolled up the pages and read everything. :D

We can talk about anything, but what we talk about is mostly about work. I am working in a big company with complicated hierarchical system and politics. My two other friends are working in a small enterprise with  stingy boss and crazy working hours. There is one more who just quit from her job and is going to enter a very well-known company in Indonesia. We had different working background, we had different offices, we had different bosses, we had different system and working hours, but we shared the same story: unhappiness about work.

Monday will be the most unhappy day, Friday will be the most cheerful day, Saturday and Sunday will be very quiet because we are all busy with our own thing.

It's a funny relationship that we have. I love them all. Thanks for filling my life, Jesi, Valen, and Wewe! Yeeehaaaa~~~

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

In the operating room, when I was about to get my head stitches
Me: *worried* Will you cut my hair?
Doctor: Do you think I am a barber?
Me: ...

Almost 11pm, when I was seeing my dentist
Nurse: Doc, X is coming now.
Doctor: What? What time is this now? Does she think I am a midnight sale?
Nurse: *speechless*

My sis-in-law was turning on the TV in his car
Niece: (to my dad) Yi gong, yi gong, ini film Harry Kotor. 
All: *burst out laughing*

Sometimes to think about funny and happy time can make you smile, even in your worst condition.

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

I heard a news from my friend who is going to leave Singapore and head back to his hometown. He is leaving for good. He told me that he did not feel any good thing about working here: it's monotonous, it's stressful, it's demanding. He told me that he did not have the passion to work here anymore. His heart is there, at home. He did not have any plan for the future, but he would just help out his parents' business while waiting for the right time to move on.

Am I going to move back to Palembang?

Sometimes I think about it. To be at home is the best thing that can happen. Being with my family, doing what I like, starting up my own company may be ideal. But, what about everything here? What about 1-year contribution to this company? What about 1-year hard work on FYP? What about 4-year struggle in CEE? What about another 1-year of study before the entrance examination? What about my dream? What about people I care about?

I think I need some time to reflect, to meditate, and find my vision. I did not have any now.

I need enlightenment.

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Night is still so young. I am wondering whether this is my call to be here. Everything seems so smooth here: waking up at 6:30, getting out of the house at 7:30, reaching the office at 8:30, having lunch at 12:00, attending daily meeting at 17:00, knocking off from office at 18:00, going to the gym afterwards, having dinner, and reaching back home at 21:00. Everything is so smooth yet BOOOOORING.

Deep in my heart, I want something new, I want something challenging. But, the guts I have are not that big for me to step out of this comfort zone. To say I am comfortable with my life now is wrong, but it is still my comfort zone. My feet have already recognized the path, my brain have already been so familiar with the routines.

I am thinking of so many things. I want to study. I want to change job. I want to quit and be my own boss. I want to take a long holiday. I want to learn cooking. I want to change my identity and start a brand new life. Ooops.

I feel like standing in front of so many rooms in a circular room. I don't know what is behind, yet I shall choose one room only and once I enter the room, I will not have a chance to turn back. My choice may be right or wrong. I may lose what I have now, I may gain another thing.

I am confused.

I


feel


like


...


asking for Doraemon's help

Shit.

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Sometimes I feel like a shooting star, reaching all the way to the endless sky
None can reach me, nothing can stop me

At the other time, I feel like a meteorite, speeding towards the earth and clashing with the rocks
None can help me, nothing can cure me

Life, yeah, it is life

Finding what I want, who I care for, when to execute my plan, where to go, and how to make dreams come true are sure an endless journey

Till I close my eyes

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

I've known him since I was 15. I've been his good friend since I was 18. I went out with him since I was 19. And now I am 22.

Three years have passed! And it's another time to say, "Happy Anniversary, Baby!"

For all the laughter, all the tears... For all the joy, all the sadness... For all the quarrels, all the embraces... For all the smooth-sailing, all the rocky roads... For all the way these three years, I thank God, I thank the universe, I thank you...

There are so many things ahead of us, that we need to face... I believe we will walk hand in hand until the end of the world...

Do you remember that you said one lifetime would never be enough, and you wanted nine instead?

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~