aLL 'BouT 'Fe-Ar'

How I felt like giving up in one second is a story, but how you made me fall in love with you once more is a miracle...

I do hope we can fit into each other like a key and a forelock... I do hope that we can complete each other like coffee and sugar... And I do hope we can attract each other over and over like the earth and the sun... I do hope, yes I do hope that we are meant for each other...

Love is indeed beautiful...

Let's put our hardest effort for our love, our relationship, our life, and our future...






U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Just like a waterfall, my tears kept falling
When my tears created a pond, I still kept crying
When the tears eroded the soil, they could still hear me sobbing
And the soil broke, my tears flew down the path of the river


I kept crying
Until the whole world drowned inside the ocean of my tears


My ocean, my own ocean
And I was drowned inside, with the whole world

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Life has become so quiet recently.

When we don't talk and just stare at each other's name, it becomes much more quiet.

Can we talk or whatever, just like long long time ago?

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Quote of the day from a friend:

If someone give me the rose, I'll marry him...

Awwww, the rose is indeed beautiful.

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

I have a niece and she is super cuteeeee~~~

Ngeliat Kay lagi duduk manis, agak bingung
Me: Kaykay lagi ngapainnn?
Kay: Makan jagungggg *padahal lagi ngelotokin kulit pisang*
Me: Pisanggggg, bukan jagung...
Kay: Oooooh, pisangggg...
Me: Kaykay lagi ngapain?
Kay: Makan jagungggg 
*GUBRAK*

Lagi duduk hadap-hadapan sama Kay
Kay: Ii, itu gigi ii kenapaa? *sambil menjulurkan tangan mau pegang gigi saya*
Me: Ii pake kawat gigi... Kaykay mau juga?
Kay: *ngangguk sambil senyum-senyum blushing*


Di restoran, Kay lari-larian sampe jatuh di belakang kursi saya
Me: Kay, sakit ngga?
Kay: *dengan muka tanpa dosa* Ngga *langsung berdiri dan lari lagi*
*speechless*

Kay liat saya siap-siap mau pergi
Kay: Ii mau ke manaa?
Me: Mau pergi makan, Kaykay mau ikut?
Kay: Ngga
Me: Dadaaahhhh
Kay: Dadaaaah, lama-lama yaaa~~~
Me: *dalam hati merasa seperti tidak diinginkan bahkan oleh seorang anak kecil*

Kay lagi liat-liat foto album
Kay: Ii ini di mana?
Me: Di Sinciapo
Kay: Oooh, kalo ini?
Me: Ini di Malaysia...
Kay: Bukan, ini di ciakpo, ini juga di ciakpo, ini juga~~~
Me: *oh, oke whatever*

Di ruang tamu
Me: Somewhereee~~~~ *nyanyi lagu Beyond the Sea*
Kay: iyo ye siiiii *lanjutin nyanyi*
Me: *terkejut anak kecil nyanyi lagu bahasa inggris*
Lalu dia lanjut nyanyi lagi
Kay: Cakweeeeee
Sis: Oiii, bukan cakwe, sayang~~~~
Kay: Hihihi *ketawa malu-malu*
Me: *dot dot dot*

Setelah kacamata saya jatuh ditarik sama Kay
Me: *marahin Kay sampe berbusa-busa*
Kay: *peluk dedek saya* Ah, Kaykay mau bobok!

Suatu percakapan antara Kay dan kokonya, Ray
Ray: Tadi pas Yeye tidur, yeye denger ada suara, suara apa itu?
Kay: Itu suara lobil, tauuukkkk? *sotoy*

Ngeliat kasur ditumpuk di atas ranjang, mata Kay langsung berbinar-binar mau maen
Kay: Posotannn!!!!
Me: Bukan, jangan maen ah! Nanti jatuh...
Kay: *bandel, tetep manjat-manjat naek ranjang* Kaykay mau maen posotannn
Lalu, 4 orang jagain di ujung kasur yg menjuntai dr ranjang, takut dia jatuh
Kay: *merasa main perosotan, mulai ngeluncur* Awwwww
Semua orang speechless tingkat dewa


I love my naughty Kaykay!!!!

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

#1 Birthday

Talking about birthday, someone asked me what I had for my 21st birthday. It took me some time to gather back the memory and I realized I didn't have any celebration for my 21st, which people said as the turning point from a teenage to an adult. I felt the sadness, yes. I felt no one cared about me, yes. But, I have let go my 21st, and maybe my 22nd, 23rd, and 24th. I must be contented, at least God gives me the blessings I need. Birthday celebration is just a yearly bonus, so if I don't get it, let it be!

#2 Marriage

My friend told me that the price of the wedding ring should be two to three times the guy's salary. When I heard about that, I was like, "Huh? What the hell?". I'd rather get a super grand wedding banquet instead of getting a ring that deppreciates throughout the time. I still stick to my original plan: to get a cruise wedding! The ring may be just ordinary, but the party should be a real huge party until everyone's jaw drops to the bottom of the sea. I want my wedding to be remembered by any one of my guests, not only me and my future husband. So I will book a cruise for 2 days 1 night and hold a all-night-and-day-long party!!!

#3 Job

Having a job doesn't mean you are doing your work. Being inside the working world for almost 5 months, I have been witnessing with my own eyes that some people are just collecting their salary without doing anything and the rest who do all the shit jobs for them get less pay slip. Life is really unfair. And some bosses don't really pay attention to their staffs and in the end, they push the wrong people up and leave the one who deserves promotion and pay increment at the lower end. Life is unfair.

#4 People

Inside the construction site, I get a chance to see those less privileged people that need to work day and night to bring back some amount of money back home, and I really feel that I am blessed. I know I need to squeeze my brain juice out to earn money, but they squeeze their tears, sweats, and bloods to earn the living. And inside my new office, I met a nice Bangladesh cleaner. He is so polite and hardworking. He always greets me every morning, and he even waved to me when I went off yesterday. I hope he can bring back a good money for his family back there.

#5 Laughter

Today the atmosphere inside the office was pretty tense, but a few funny things happened and still tickled my brain until now. My SPE said she would be very willing to promote me if I could show the courage to kick this particular manager, as I had said before. I was laughing so hard and I still did when I thought about that. And the funniest thing was the nickname we established for a contractor guy: SOTONG!!! I can't stop laughing when I think about it.

#6 Life

I don't know whether I am living a right life right now. My days are totally for works, from 8.30 to beyond 6.00pm and when I get back home, I will continue what I have been doing in the office. I always bring the leftover back. Actually I enjoy working at home a lot, but today when I think back, it seems that something is not right. I missed a lot of chances to update my blog, my facebook status, or even chat with my friends. I want my life back. But I think this is my life?

#7 Quote

The whole day, this sentence keep popping inside my mind: They say friends come and go, but once you decide to come into my life, I will never let you go. I love my besties, and I miss them!

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

When I let go, God granted me more than what I expected. I was so blessed!

I hope I can continue to think positively and feel this kind of blessing. I know God loves me, and I LOVE HIM TOO!

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

I wasn't in my best condition these three days. Ros kept saying I looked pale and Shihui kept asking whether I was alright. On the other side of the world, mom and bf kept asking me whether I had felt any better. Although I was feeling sick, I was so thankful because I had people who worried about me. I am blessed, as usual!

I admit that I was very upset to know that everyone got their pay adjustment, except me. I was sooo upset, until I questioned myself: "What was my honors for? In the end, I just get as much as the one who achieved second upper class?"

But then, when I think back, I already have so many things that people don't have. God has blessed me with so many things that other people don't have or wish to have, yet I still feel disappointed with His care, I still felt He's unfair. I am so bad, I can't be satisfied. Please forgive me, Dear God.

I want to be more contented and be thankful for everything. If I get no pay adjustment, so be it. I will work harder for my increment and work even harder to achieve my goal. I don't want to be bothered by these small and unimportant things. I hope I can. :):):)


U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

What a day!

I never imagined I would wake up not feeling very well, vomitted when I showered, forced myself to go to work, felt worse with every step I took, and nearly fainted in Tanah Merah MRT platform. Thank's God there is safety door in that platform. If there wasn't any, I would be just a name by this time.

And thank's God again for the care I got from Ros and Shihui. It was really touching to see them worrying about me.

I felt very bad for the whole day: back ache, headache, stomach ache, everything. It was just very bad! But again, thank's God that someone had Panadol and was willing to share one tablet to me.

I had no desire to work today, but I managed to finish what I was supposed to finish and I felt grateful. I also managed to tidy up my table and checked all the stationaries. I've marked my own file folders with labels and I printed more drawings.

But then, this document controller came and gave me two stacks of documents.

Oh yeah, my table will not be tidy.

I hope I can go to work tomorrow. Sickness, please go away, I beg you.

And I will be going back to NTU once more!
I am happy :)

I want to meet my dearest Prof. Anthony Goh.

Although it's so far from Expo to NTU, I will have a fun journey I guess.

Life is beautiful to the max!!!! :)

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Sometimes I feel a great hatred towards Sunday, not because the next day is a working day, but it's just because I still need to wait for another five days to hold you in my arms...

And today, I felt it...

I hate it...

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Time flies, really, time flies. It's already October, which means I am going to welcome my 5th month of works here. I can't believe how everything turned out to be so wonderful at the right time. I still remember how I used to whine and whine and whine about how miserable I felt during the first two months of my work: I had nothing to do except reading the documents without even being able to picture them inside my head, I lost against my course mates in getting the awards and valedictorian speech, I felt project management wasn't a right choice for me, I considered to quit and walk back to design firm, I almost lost my spirit to go to the office as days passed by.

However, God is good, GOD IS SO GOOD!!! He sent me some savior: colleagues, friends, and so many people that I could talk to and ask for suggestions. And He gave me the strength and the courage to create my own miracle. God was working so hard to let me out of my own confusion THROUGH HIS MESSENGERS. Thanks for all the people, you are indeed my God's messengers!!!

And since then, my working life rotated one hundred eighty degrees to the other quadrant. Happiness always visited me since then and I had so many motivations to wake up and get to work every morning. The office was still the same, but the atmosphere was truly different. Different people with different spirit created a different working environment. I kept telling myself, "I am blessed!" and yes I was, I am, and I will be...

August and September were really a fruitful time for me. I coped for so many things during both months till I felt so tired and exhausted, but there's a happiness inside my heart that I couldn't deny. During these two months, my works were piling up and I increased my study load day by day and now when I looked back, I just can't help to smile from ear to ear, I am happy to be busy, yes I am.

And 28th September 2011 was the day. I went through the Fundamental of Engineering Examination. Although I am not sure whether I can pass the exam, I am grateful that God has equipped me with so many strength and encouragement to go through the process. Although in the state of nervousness, I felt so loved by seeing my friends sending me encouragements before my test, and of course I felt so thankful for bf who accompanied me studying during the weekends and kept assuring me that I would win in the battlefield. Yes, at least I have done my best, and God will do the rest for me now. I hope I don't fail my exam, but if I fail, I know that I die in glory. Thanks, my dear God.

My August-September journey is closed with something so wonderful. I am inside the Dean's List one more time! I already think that I wouldn't get it since I didn't get any award during the convocation, and when I read the mail, I felt my heard jumping and jumping so high until my chest going to explode. I feel so loved! At least, my grade was still inside the 5% best among my cohort. I am so happy!!!

And yesterday, I talked with my boss for almost 2 hours. He was so sweet and kind and cute and you-name-it-whatever-it-is. He knew that my desire was in design and I think he is ready to let me go when the time comes. He supported me whole-heartedly for whatever my future would lead me to be. He is really a nice guy: a figure of a father, and I adore him. He's smart, he's fast, he's kind and cool, he has a long term vision, and he always smiles. I will learn a lot from him!!!

I must say a lot of thank you for August and September that have given me a wonderful time. Thanks a lot a lot for nurturing me throughout these two months. I am so much blessed, I am!

I expect more good things to happen in October. I expect myself to grow even wiser and more mature in this month.

I love you, World!

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~