Saturday, August 04, 2012

Mid-Year Evaluation

It has been so long since I last wrote on this page. I missed it, yes, but I was so pre-occupied with other things and it diverted me from this little old friend.

Time sure flies. It is now August and only five months are left to the end of the year. I am a bit frustrated by how fast time passes by. I am still nowhere.

Even to my own resolution at the beginning of the year, I am driving myself away from it. I was telling myself and promised to myself, I would be happy no matter what, but I stressed myself more nowadays. Oh my God, I am driving too far. Where is the U-turn?

As I am re-reading my post, I am ashamed to myself.

As a person, I wish I can be better.
-I wish I can always be thankful and grateful and be closer to my God.

I don't think I am thankful enough to what I have gotten. I grumble too much, I complain too much.
- I want to cultivate patience in my life as I realize this is one of my problems so far. I should hold my anger and not throw my tantrum so easily.
I can't say I fail this one as I feel improvement in my emotional state. I can hold my anger and disappointment better now.
- I shall continue to learn and read and gain as many knowledge as possible. Nothing should stop me from learning to be better in every aspect of my life.
Learning is continuous process, huh? No problemo! I learn a lot of things from everything for these 7 months.
- I also hope that I can maintain a good lifestyle: less fried food, less snacks, less carbs, more exercise. My target for this year is to be slimmer and have a good shape. ;)
I signed up with a gym since July! And I am maintaining my lifestyle now. 
- I should continue to save money for my future: either study or business start up.
As the pay increment and bonuses came, I spent more rather than saved more :(
- I wish I can have a firm idea of what I want for my future. I should not continue to walk in the mist and uncertainty for too long.
This is a total failure. I don't even know what I am doing now. I am just floating and giving myself up to the flow. I don't know what I want, what I desire, how to achieve that, how to start, and when to start. I don't understand whether this is my dreamt job. Sometimes, I enjoyed it, sometimes, I really wanted to run away from it. This is madness.

As a daughter and a sister to my family, I wish I can be reliable.
- As the eldest, I shall be the benchmark and I wish I can set a good example for my brother to follow. I want him to succeed, I want us to succeed, I want my parents to be proud of us.
I don't know whether I have managed to be a good role model for my brother. I hope I do.
- I want to have more time with my mom and dad: to chat more, to meet them more often. I hope.
I only went back home for Chinese New Year. But I spent a lot of times talking to my mom on phone and what's app. We had a great family time on our trip to China.
- I wish I can have two family trips this year: China and South Korea!
One has been achieved, the other one shall be postponed. I am going to Guangzhou at the end of the year for TBM inspection. Yeaaaah. Two China trips this year.

As a girlfriend, I wish I can be an ideal one.
- I shall not throw my tantrum like a mad dog. I want to reflect before getting angry. I am sure he never wants to hurt me, so I shall not hurt him.

Sometimes, I did, the other times, I could not manage my anger. But I am sure there is improvement.
- My target for this year: minimum quarrel, more understanding. I think we have achieved a better level of understanding in these few months, but really, we shall continue to attempt the harmonious living in our love life.
Oops, no comment ;P
- I also wish he has the same determination as me. Two is better than one!
- I really wish to spend the next new year celebration with him.

As an employee to the company, a subordinate to my bosses, and a colleague to my fellow team, I wish I can perform better.
- I wish I have better time management. I don't want to continue living like a zombie. I should learn to be efficient and effective in my working time frame. My target is to have a good performance and yield an outstanding result without sacrificing my personal life.
This one is achieved. I don't stay late, I don't come early, I don't bring back my work back home, yet I still can finish what I am supposed to do. I am proud.
- I hope I can hold my temperament when I face problems with my colleagues and bosses. I shall be thankful for everything and solve the problems from the inside. I don't want to grumble, I don't want to whine, I don't want to show my black face. I shall be cheerful as a sunshine!
Ouch, when I wrote this, I thought it was pretty easy, but actually it is very difficult. Too many politics, too many dirty games, and too many scary people around me. I fail.
- I will continue learning from everybody and never be ashamed of asking other people. I am new so there is still so many room of improvement for me.
Keep doing, keep improving.
- I really wish I can pick every good quality from my bosses and be a good asset for this world. I can make a fabulous lady engineer, for sure. :)
I am now in the state of evaluating those good and bad quality from my bosses and colleagues and I will not want to pick those bad things. I will absorb the good one for sure.
- At the end of the year, I hope I can gain some sort of recognition to my hard work.

As a friend, I wish I can be more involved.
- In this year, I hope I can be more sociable and meet my friends more often. I shall not trap myself inside my own world.
In progress, although sometimes I still prefer to lock myself in my own world.
- I also wish I can maintain my relationship with my old friends in Palembang, my CEE pals, my internship friends, my Indo NTU friends, and all new LTA friends.
I am doing my best

Now you know why I feel so ashamed. It's like, "I didn't achieve anything!!!!"

Okay, chill. There are five more months to go and change everything.

Be happy, be happy, be happy.

U're the best I've ever had

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