aLL 'BouT 'Fe-Ar'

It's been so long since I haven't written randomly in this blog, so here you go.

#1 Foolish
It's been coming into my mind all day long, how I have been fooled by people around. I thought about them and they hardly let me come into their considerations. I thought about their feelings so often, but they just did whatever they liked without even asking a single will-she-be-alright-if-I-do-so question. So sad. And now after they finished messing with my life, they spreading gossips about me. I have been fooled and I am definitely a fool.


#2 Mouse
My mouse is having a severe illness now. Sometimes, most of the time when bf is around, she (yes a she!) is able to wander here and there, playing with me so cheerfully. But, at other times, she is just so cold and unable to do anything. She doesn't shine! And I am really sorry for her. Maybe she will rest in peace in near future.


#3 Returning
Yeah, although I have said that I wouldn't go back during my December holiday, I will still do so. Such a big mouth, huh? Due to one thing and another, I decided not head back to Indonesia during Chinese New Year. Instead, I will have my last holiday for 14 days from 25th December 2010 to 8th January 2011. And if God permits, I wish I could go on a trip my my family during CNY period. If it's really impossible, having the first CNY with bf is not a bad idea, after all. The bad things are just no pineapple cookies, masuba, lapis legit, pempek, and hong bao.


#4 Layden
Layden is a little bit sick also. I'm afraid she will die soon also. Too many times she couldn't respond well and too many times I have been forced to unplug the cable. Oh Man, I want her to be just alright.


#5 Blank
Suddenly, I forgot what to write although deep inside I know that I still have some thoughts to share with you. So, I think this is called acute sleepiness. I need my antibiotics: sleep. So, good night!!! :):):)

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Dua tangan, dua kaki, dua telinga, dua mata. Apakah semua itu belum cukup sehingga kau harus memiliki dua wajah?

Begitu banyak manusia di dunia, begitu banyak wajah yang harus diingat, tapi mengapa masih ada satu tubuh yang mau punya dua. Aku tak tahu harus mengingat yang mana: yang hitam kah, atau yang putih kah?

Mengapa kau suka punya dua wajah? Di depanku kau tertawa, tapi di balik punggungku kau mencerca. Lebih baik kau ludahi aku di wajah daripada kau melempar batu lalu sembunyi tangan.

Kau kira aku tak tahu dua rupamu itu? Kau salah besar, aku tahu segalanya. Tak perlu jadi Tuhan untuk tahu apa yang kau katakan tentangku di belakang. Aku yang selama ini kau bodohi pun tahu, apalagi Tuhan? Jadi, tunggulah, kawan, Tuhan akan datang dan menegurmu.

Karena aku sakit. Dikhianati. Difitnah. Ditusuk dari belakang.

Tapi aku akan bertahan. Aku akan memenangkan pertarungan ini. Karena aku berdiri dengan kakiku sendiri.

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Recently, I watch mivo.tv quite often and suddenly, the feeling of homesick come so frequently. At one time, I imagined myself watching celebrity infotainment program at home while enjoying snacks at home. At another time, I imagined having star fruits cut by mom. And, oh, I think, that's what people call heaven. We don't need to die to feel how peaceful heaven is, we just need to say a simple thanks for the family God has blessed us. And I am so thankful that I can do so.

I miss Indonesia, I miss my family.

And these days, Indonesia has been getting into a big crisis. Flood (again) in Jakarta. Earthquake and tsunami in Mentawai. And volcano eruptions in Merapi.
I am so sorry for Indonesia. Too many troubles for such a fragile country.

Indonesia is a huge country, but it is still to young to deal with so much things. The people inside still cannot believe in their government, there are still too many controversy. Other countries still try to eat up Indonesia little by little and due to the reason stated above, no one knows how to deal with this problem. And then, mother earth seems too fed up with this country and decides to send reminders.

God, please protect Indonesia. Let it cross this bridge of troubles and it will become stronger.

I am not in Indonesia, but Indonesia is where my heaven is located. I miss Indonesia, I miss my heaven.

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

I want to witness the various places around the world, be a world traveler, make friends with many people, and set my feet on every single dot of this huge ball.

I want to learn, learn, and learn endlessly, because I believe that learning will never end as long as I am still breathing

I want to meet fireflies. Just one time.

God, please let me achieve my dreams before I die, although it means I will die right after all of them are accomplished.

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

And today, my heart was broken completely... I feel soulless...

Remain at your place, do not consider moving

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

• Woke up before 6
• Ran in the middle of the haze
• Saw an old man scolded people over and over in the MRT just because he wanted people to get up and give the priority seat to HIS BELONGINGS
• Went to various book shops to find TOEFL Test Guide Book and bought nothing
• Went to Kwan Im Temple and got pushed by an idiot middle-age woman when I was worshipping
• Walked a long long way with bf to reach Prinsep Street and find Strictly Pancake
• Had a super sinful dessert time with a shared stack of chocolate pancakes with chocolate ice cream, homemade chocolate, and strawberries
• Found that the excavation of Bras Basah MRT was sooooooo deep that maybe they kept the struts remaining intact with the wall
• Went to Vivo City and helped bf to buy a tie, polo tee, and something secret for little sister
• Discovered my wet clothes hanger when I got back room and realized the west rained so hard when I was sweating in the central
• Failed to practice the TOEFL mini test since my computer didn't respond so well and froze over and over till I wanted to cry
• Doing the copy-paste repetitively to back-up my precious files

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Maybe I am disturbing. Maybe I am annoying. Maybe you feel that I am so lame to lecture you over and over. Maybe you think I poke my nose too much into your business. Maybe you are so tired of facing me.

But, what I do is just because I always think about you and your happiness. I don't want to see any regret on your face. I don't want to watch your heart broken. I just want to see a smile rising from your lips. That's all.

Please bear with me, because I will keep bugging you.

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~