aLL 'BouT 'Fe-Ar'

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

What I did, what I said, what I thought, seemed so wrong on people's eyes. Am I that bad? Did I do so many bad things to people around me? I am so tired of this drama. I should escape, run, fly. Far far away so that nobody will find and torture me anymore.

I am tired. I just want to turn back the time and curl inside the baby blanket.

I am still too fragile for this harsh world.

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

That's your boat, your boat you are steering
That's your car, your car you are driving
And
That's your life, your life you are living

None is gonna control to turn or not to turn
None is gonna shout to you to stop or to move on
None, yeah, none is gonna overpower you on your life

They are just caring, they are just loving you
They love you, they love you

They just try to find some ways to make you realized

You are loved
You are not supposed to fail
You are going to shine

It's all about you
Not me, not them, not her, neither him
It's all about you

And they love you
They don't want to see any regret on your face
They don't want to watch any tears rolling down from your eyes
They don't want to witness you falling
They love you
So much
Or too much

But sometimes you are too proud of yourself
You take everything as an insult
But sometimes you are too stubborn to listen
You take everything as an underestimation

But I should remind you
They love you
That's why they are being so annoying to you
That's why they keep repeating the same thing to you

But if you want to walk alone
They shall grant it to you
Because when they decide to fall silent
None will bother anymore

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

There's a denial, at first. I didn't believe, I chose not to believe.
And then there's a feeling of betrayal. I felt stabbed, I was disappointed.
Sadness came and greeted after. I didn't want to believe, but I knew it was real.
Of course, fury burnt me to the core. I felt like ruining their life even more.

And now, everything has disappeared.
I am numb as ever.
I feel nothing torturing me.

I even kinda enjoy my loneliness.
And I enjoy imagining their broken life.

Leave me alone.
Or I'll tear you into pieces.

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Once upon a time, there's a rooster and at the same time, there's a bat. The rooster always fancies the way bat can fly and hunt in the night. The bat is so unlike the rooster, who barely sees everything after twilight. The bat has super power, it's what the rooster thinks.

On the other hand, the bat is always amazed of the rooster's ability to stay awake from early morning. Unlike the bat, the rooster wakes up the earliest and never sleeps during the day. The bat thinks that the rooster is super strong.

And so, and so, these two super creatures start a relationship. They fancy each other, they like each other.


U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Title: First Day of School

Mission: Complete the 'back-to-school' day

7AM: Woke up.

10AM: Felt annoyed by the sound of the damn grinder, stopped watching, stopped wrapping up FYP results, went out of room.

11.30AM: Felt like throwing a tantrum in the library after knowing that the stupid library computer didn't have any program to open a .pdf file, queueing a long long way to see the idiot computer didn't show my print job, feeling annoyed by so many people blocking the hall way, and realizing that everything there sucked!

12.30PM: Finished the first class of the semester with A/P TZ. Felt a bit lost sometime, but the class was sure fun

1.30PM: Finished the second class with A/P SCK and A/P LYM by watching a video about offshore engineering. felt terrified by the size of the hollow sections they used and the risky working environment.

2PM: Finished a super quick lunch with bf and rushed to the supervisor's office.

2.15PM: Finished the FYP meeting with professor with a better insight and more load to be carried.

2.45PM: Reached the room and realized that the damn grinder was still working

3.15PM: Finished writing this post and felt like sleeping while waiting for bf to come

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED

Results:
- determined not to work on offshore site
- be ensured that the lit review is okay
- getting a new (or probably other 2 or 3) case(s) to be modeled
- missing holiday

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Matahari berkedip, aku terbangun
Tersenyum aku mulai hariku


Matahari tertidur, aku pun tidur
Air mata temani sepiku

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

I never wish for much, I always tell myself. Just a thing or two so I know I am still loved and cherished.
I never ask for too many, you know it. Just a thing or two so I know someone is thinking of me all the time.
I never want too much, never ever. Just a thing or two so I know I am as precious as a gem.

Just a thing or two. To get me back to the line.
Just a thing or two. To let me shine like a sun.
Just a thing or two. Yes, just a thing or two.
To give me the loving feeling back.

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

I've been thinking, there are so few places I have ever visited. I am nearly 21 and my eyes are still seeing so little of this world. Not even 1% of it.

Since I was in primary school, I decided that my biggest dream is to round the world. I wanted to visit every corner of this big big world. It's my dream, and I will work hard to make it come true.

Places I have gone in Indonesia:
- Lampung
- Jambi
- Medan
- Jakarta
- Bandung
- Jogjakarta
- Semarang
- Malang
- Bali
- Lombok

Places I have visited overseas:
- Singapore
- Kuala Lumpur
- Johor Bahru
- Hongkong
- Macau
- Shenzhen

It's so few, even too few for someone willing to complete every bits and pieces of the jigzaw puzzle of this world. So, I have set my mind, starting this year, I will travel over and over. And I want to visit Europe, before I get married. The least is going to Europe for my honeymoon, later. :P

For this year, I have been thinking some getaways. First is Vietnam trip with my fellow IndoCEE to celebrate our graduation on June. I am kinda sad to know that they seem a bit reluctant now. I am willing to continue with my plan whether they are coming or not. My family will happily accept this plan I think.

I also want to go to either Thailand or South Korea. I hope I can go at the end of 2011.

And next year, I would like to go to Thailand or South Korea, whichever I haven't visited at the end of 2011. I also wish to go to Beijing for 2012.

The next places to go may be some other places in China, Aussie, Manado (Bunaken), Papua, Egypt, etc etc.
And of course, again, EUROPE!!!

I will work hard and save hard. I wish I could bring my parents to Europe with my own money.

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~