Monday, September 28, 2009

Zutt!

Labels: at 9/28/2009 08:04:00 AM

When I think of others, none thinks about my feeling
When I do things for others, none even says thanks to me
When I feel so upset, none even wants to know why

Selfishness is really an innate part of human. We have the selfishness from the very beginning of our life.

And when I try soooo hard to lower down my selfishness, I am being bullied. None understands me. None thinks about me. None tries to see things from my point of view. None even wants to try to stand on my position. Yeah, I think I should be more egoistic, self-centered, and persistent.

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~
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Forgive me

Labels: at 9/28/2009 07:35:00 AM

The consequences of every action will be purely burdened to the decision maker. Yeah, no one can escape from  every single thing he has done, including me.

I have planted the seeds and I am the one who need to harvest the farm, good or bad they are.

So, forgive me for every single thing I have done. I don't tend to hurt anybody, it's just my own bad.

Anyone can criticize me, tease me, or even scold me, but please, do it in front of my face. Then I can reflect and change everything for the sake of everyone.

In the middle of the self realization and (hopefully) improvement,

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~
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Thursday, September 24, 2009

Let me go home~~~

Labels: at 9/24/2009 08:30:00 AM

I feel like writing something, but I don't have any idea about what to write. Actually, the most important thing I need to do now is studying since I have two quizzes for two days respectively plus one investiture in the middle of these two quizzes. I feel very fed up, but I still need to do it howsoever. I am a student and my job is to study. So, I need to extend my patience to the very limit and bear with these quizzes and exams for at least two years more.

After these two quizzes, I can relax a bit, I think. Holiday's approaching and I will welcome it with a very warm greeting, of course, when the time comes, i.e. tomorrow night. LOL.

One week to go before I go back to Palembang. Yeah, actually this will be the seventh time I go back home since I started my study here two years ago. It looks like I am such a homesick kind of person, doesn't it? I keep dragging my suitcase here and there, from Palembang to Singapore, and from Singapore to Palembang. This time will be the shortest holiday I get since I just have two days plus at home. And I am afraid I will feel my time in Palembang is not enough, although someone says that three days not meeting me will be too long. Haha.

Actually, this time holiday will be a bit different, also. I will leave something here and I myself will be going back without taking that something. Maybe it will be a bit incomplete. =P

Whatever, I will fight through these two bloody hell days and step into the gate of recess week.
Yihaaaa.
I can't help waiting for tomorrow evening!

To-do list in Palembang:

  • Dentist (this is my major reason for going home during recess)
  • Facial
  • Creambath (if possible, I want to do something with this messy hair)
  • Friends' gathering
  • Saoeng Kito
  • Bumbu Desa
  • Pesona Kuring
  • Gado-gado
  • Supernova: Ksatria, Putri, dan Bintang Jatuh
  • Study (least priority, though)


To do list before going back to Palembang:

  • C&K
  • Wild Wild Wet
  • East Coast Park
  • Tangs
  • Guess
  • Moon cake fair
  • Accounting, Tax Computation, and Auditing Workshop
  • Admin Briefing
  • Study review 
  • Packing


Hey, I just realize, it looks like I am a to-do-list-maniac or something. All my posts are full of to do list. I am so organized, huh? LOL.


U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~
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Wednesday, September 23, 2009

I want to be angry, but I just can't help smiling

Labels: at 9/23/2009 09:56:00 AM

Foolish!

What are you doing, huh?

You drove me mad, and now you do such a stupid thing that gives me no chance to be angry with you.

Please, keep our days peaceful.
I love fluctuation, but not this much.
I just want smiles and laughters now.
I have had enough of tears and angers.

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~
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Monday, September 21, 2009

Past

Labels: at 9/21/2009 09:23:00 PM




I remember date and time
September 22nd Sunday twenty five after nine
In the doorway, with your case
No longer shouting at each other, there were tears on our faces

Gotta fix that calendar I have
It's marked July 15th
Because since there no more you, there's no more anniversary

Sebelas Januari bertemu
Menjalin kisah cinta ini
Naluri berkata engkaulah milikku

Three quotes from three different songs that mentioned three different times. Yeah, God gives us time: past, present, and future. And all of us have the past, or what we call memories.

The pasts, some were good and some did hurt, are for us to remember or forget? Still ambiguous, though. Sometimes we are driven crazy by the past and we desperately want to forget about it, but sometimes we think that the past should be kept forever in our mind. Yeah, it depends on which parts of the past we are talking about. We are human, and it's so common that we like to keep the happiness forever and throw away all the glooms. But, forgetting is not that easy, anyway.

So, here I am, standing on my own feet because I always keep the past inside a special box in my brain. Although I have a kind of short term memory, but I usually remember this kind of things. Haha. The past always teaches you to be stronger.

And, relating with the dates, I think I would like to summarize my important dates as well.^^.

  • 22nd January
  • 30th January
  • 5th February
  • 7th February
  • 14th March
  • 30th March
  • 5th April
  • 19th April
  • 4th May
  • 6th June
  • 1st July
  • 26th July 
  • 6th August
  • 8th August
  • 1st September
  • 9th September
  • 17th September
  • 1st December

Wondering what the hell I wrote? I am also confused. LOL.

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~
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RAND2109090933

Labels: at 9/21/2009 09:34:00 AM

By the time you went decided to leave, my heart felt a swing, an uneasy swing.
I wanted to grab your hand, tell you not to go and assure you to be here even longer; but my mouth was shut, as if it had been sealed off.
At the end, I just watched your back going further and further.
And at that instance, I'd already been missing you.

-------------

Another busy week is coming and I am getting much crazier than before. Three quizzes to fight, seven sheets of tutorial questions to do, and a bunch of meetings to attend for this week. I feel like I am going to bury myself in the ground and worry no more about this life.

To do list until the end of September:

  • Reinforced Concrete Design Quiz
  • Foundation Engineering Make-up Tutorial Class
  • ICN Recruitment Drive
  • Joint School Bash Meeting
  • CEE Weekly Meeting
  • Foundation Engineering Quiz
  • CEE Investiture
  • Meeting with Professors
  • Structures 2 Make-up Tutorial Class
  • Steel Design Quiz
  • Mid-autumn festival at Yunnan Garden
  • PalzzzNTU outing
  • Buy some stuffs to be brought back to Indonesia
  • Visit koko at Bishan
  • Accounting, Tax, Computation, and Auditing Workshop
  • Admin briefing
  • Risk Management Workshop
  • Go back to Palembang


-------------

Yesterday, Dhika called me and asked me to the president of PINTU Yearbook. Oh yeah, of course I rejected the offer although somehow I was interested. Haha, greedy me. Let's imagine, if I took that offer, how busy would I be this semester? And how should I take care of everything? I have only two hands, one brain, and limited time; I cannot handle every single thing by myself. So, I gave up the chance to carry the 'president' title for the sake of my life and my sanity. LOL.
I hope the best for next year Yearbook.^^.

-------------

Life is sure very beautiful when you enjoy it. Really, I feel so complete and fresh and happy when I enjoy all the things: study, meetings, tasks, and even slacking.
In the middle of this hectic weeks, I find myself being more cheerful than what I should have acted.
I worry less and enjoy more; that's what I should do from the very beginning, I think. So now, I will enjoy this life even more.
La vie et l'amour sont tres beaux!!!

-------------

I never thought that you would be back and I never expected anything from you. So, it's your choice to come back, to go away, or even to throw yourself into the dustbin. I have a (hopefully) perfect life here and I don't care about what you will do. Please help yourself!!!

-------------

Selamat hari raya!!! Another year without ketupat, opor ayam, malbi, and takbiran.
 Sure, I miss those things. And sure, I miss my home.
There's no place as beautiful as home
There's no place as peaceful as home
There's no place as bright as home
There's nothing can replace family

-------------

I want one more minute, two more hours, three more days, four more weeks, five more months, six more years, seven more decades, and eight more life times. I want an eternity.
Thank you for giving me such a great present.

-------------

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~
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Saturday, September 19, 2009

My special thanks to all of you

Labels: , , at 9/19/2009 12:07:00 PM

Lesson of these two days:
Don't overestimate and DON'T EVER BE OVERCONFIDENT!!!

I've learned so many things from these two days and I hope all of us can learn and improve. The failure is not for us to weep, but for us to reflect and change.
Experience was, is, and will always be the best teacher; that's why God let us struggling this time. We will sip the taste of happiness and enjoy it more than anyone else, I am sure.

We learn, we change, and we win.

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~
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Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Never ever try

Labels: at 9/16/2009 05:26:00 PM





To whom it may concern,


You are joking me, aren't you?


You came, then you went away. You whispered love, then you ignored me. You said you wouldn't leave me, then you just disappeared.


I never knew what on earth was actually on your mind and really, now, I don't want to know. I don't want to bother that much about you anymore. I just want a friendship, a normal friendship, not more or less.


I have wasted my time for putting my hope on you for so long. I have wasted my tears for weeping on you. I have wasted all my strength for carrying all of our memories alone. I have wasted part of my life for loving you, a person that didn't deserve me.


That much I've wasted, I've regretted, and I've never wanted to redo. I never knew what had driven you away from me, but really, if I had a chance to redo that part and prevent you from leaving me, I would reject it because I know that you are not a right guy for me to love.


And now, when I have realized about all of my foolishness, attempted to stand back, and started a brand new life with a brand new spirit, you come back as if you have just went for a power walk. You want me to welcome you with a big smile and serve you with a cup of fresh brewed coffee. You want me to let you reenter over and over like my heart is just a public toilet. So selfish of you!


I don't know whether you have changed or you remain the same. I don't know what is leading you back to me. I don't know what your intention for looking for me again. But, the thing I know is that you are so selfish and self-centered.


I am walking on my new path, so please, don't play around with me.


Au revoir, L'amore.

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~
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Friday, September 11, 2009

Love you to the limit of infinity

Labels: at 9/11/2009 08:09:00 AM



I am stealing another time for blogging.

Today is 11th September 2009, and without our realization, it has been 8 years passed since the tragedy. Yeah, 8 years and still, not even a person could explain the real thing happened that day.

11th September 2001: The WTC Tragedy.
Actually, I don't really remember about the thing since I was still an elementary school child at that time. All I did was just watching the continuously repeated video of the plane crushing the super huge tower while trying to catch the panic atmosphere. Ya, I knew nothing and until now, I still know nothing.

Actually, the thing that I want to stress here is not the tragedy itself. It has happened and nothing we can do to change it unless we have time machine or Doraemon. All I want to curse now is just the terrorism.

ter⋅ror⋅ism

  [ter-uh-riz-uhm]
–noun
1.the use of violence and threats to intimidate or coerce, esp. for political purposes.
2.the state of fear and submission produced by terrorism or terrorization.
3.a terroristic method of governing or of resisting a government.
And you see, terrorism always create a certain bad effect to the people. Human beings will not live happily ever after in peace if the terrorists are still alive.

But, actually, terrorisms have a certain good impact on human's behaviors. Usually, after a terrorists' attack, people tend to be more bonded to each other. They empathize more, sympathize more, care more, and love more and more.

And then, I ask myself, is this a good way to live a life? We start to care for others after a certain shocking attack for a limited period of time and after the time limit ends, one by one, we leave the close circle and think about nothing but our only self. Is it too selfish?

Actually, suddenly, I feel like people are so selfish and mean and bad.

Can we continue to care for and love each other for the rest of our lives without any hidden motivation?

I want to be that kind of person and I want to learn to be that kind of person.

I want to love people to the limit of infinity.

Happy loving each other!
^^



U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~
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Wednesday, September 09, 2009

A mouthful of thought 090909

Labels: at 9/09/2009 05:43:00 PM

My apologize for abandoning this blog for so long . September will end in a glance and I still has no post in my post history. Pardon me, pardon me. Haha.

Actually, the thing was not that I don't have any mood or any topic to start writing, but I was just too saturated to spend my precious time on blogging. My schedules were so packed, left me no space to move. Lucky I got a chance to steal the time and write this short update.

Since I was elected as one of the main committee members of NTU CEE Club, I got no time to do any slacking-slacking thing. All I did was just atending classes and meetings. And I was soooooo tired. I felt like fainted, and anybody, please wake me up when September ends, kay? LOL.

Oh yeah, I have submitted my IA application. After a deep and long thought, I decided to choose AECOM Singapore Pte. Ltd. as my first choice. And now, all I can do is just praying for my successful application. *crossing fingers*

I think I need to go for a shower now since I have another meeting in an hour. Sorry for this unimportant post. Haha.

To do list:
  • Attending CEE Meeting
  • Attending students' forum with chair
  • Being a judge for ICN Audition
  • Attending CEE Subcomm Bonding Night
  • Rehearsing for Indosupper
  • Studying for next tuesday CV3101 quiz
  • Attending Palembang Gathering
  • Attending CEE Main committee phototaking
  • Studying for next friday HMF1 test

To buy list:
  • A white formal shirt
  • A pair of Charles&Keith high heels
  • A black Guess hand bag

To wish list:
  • More than 24 hours in a day
  • Holiday
  • A full understanding in all the subjects I take
  • More personal qualities

To wait list:
  • 1st OCTOBER 2009 (since I will go home^^)
  • The interview (I hope I will have a chance to be interviewed *crossing finger again*)
  • The IA allocation result (I hope I will get a good company)
Okay, time to close this page and get back into the business!!!
Syalalala~~~

By the way, today is 090909 and I'm loving it^^


U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~
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