aLL 'BouT 'Fe-Ar'

Today is the last day of my undergraduate class. The last fight is now right in front of my eyes: exam. But really, I am not really thinking about exam right now. I am thinking more on my future.

Since a few months ago, I still think that I will be an engineer for my whole life: climb the engineer career path from engineer to senior engineer, principal engineer, and at last, director. I never thought that I want to open a consulting firm and be an entrepreneur. I just kept thinking that I should apply my engineering knowledge for my career path.

I don't know what, but something struck me and now I'm really eager to be an entrepreneur. No, I never tend to be the owner of Civil consulting firm. My dream is to be an event organizer. Yes, event organizer. I know it's so far away from my field of study: engineering, but I really want to be the one on whom people can rely on when they have such a big event in their lives. I enjoy organizing things and it's my dream to be an event organizer.

But since I'm a Bachelor of Engineering (in the next few months), I want to apply what I've learnt in university. I'll be a project engineer, learn some management and communication skill, as well as building some connection for my future clients. I also need some money for the start up of my event organizing company, so I'll save money from my work for my initial investment.

I really want this dream to come true. I really want it. Yes, I WANT IT. Sometime I woke up in the morning and I started to live up this dream. Sometime I went to sleep and I started to sing this dream as a lullaby. Sometime I had my meal and I had this dream as my appetizer. Yes, I am determined, although I know that this thing may or may not come true. The harshness of the world and some other factors may make me turn left or right. However, I am trying to be optimistic. I will keep the flare of my dream burning.

People have dream, and so do I.
And I will fight for my dream to come true.
I love dreaming :)

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

I just realized that I'm not checking my inbox over and over again. Maybe my heart has finally decided to accept the truth that my dream would only stay as a dream. I can't lie that deep inside, I'm still wishing for miracle, but it's best to leave it like this: keep wishing but not stressing myself. I know the chance of my dream to come true is getting slighter and slighter each day, and I'm in the way to accept it.

Being nominated was already very great, as my friend told me.

I guess I should adopt this thinking as well.
I want it so badly, but I should start accepting the biggest possibility: getting nothing.

I believe my parents will still be so proud of me even though I don't get any book prizes or give a speech as Valedictorian. They will still be so proud to see their daughter finish her undergraduate life with a bright smile.

I'm still wishing, I'm still praying.

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

I love a guy who loves sleeping
I love a guy who loves online games

Does he love me more than he loves those stuffs?


U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

1. Can you put the effort from your side, as well? I am afraid things will not work out.
2. I hope my decision to rent the room is correct. I hope the auntie is nice and kind. I hope the other tenant is nice as well.
3. I forgot when was the last time people sang happy birthday to me.
4. People downstairs are so noisy.
5. Today is so hot, inside and outside, completely

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

I just realized that there were so many places I've missed in Macau. I should go there again later. And I should prepare everything well!!!!

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

I am disappointed, to the limit. Yes, I am torn apart, like a sheet of paper. Without no big force, yes, I am torn, just like that.

I don't know what I did wrong, but really, none appreciates me. They keep talking and talking bad about me, even when I'm about to help them. I feel so so so disappointed.

They broke my heart, but I was going to forgive them. I tried to let go everything in the past and help them with every single thing I could do, but what they did to me? A thank you was just too good to be true. They stabbed me from the back, and now I am bleeding, like a sheet of paper with red ink on it.

I am a sheet of paper

And they are shit!

I'm finished with them. They are nothing to me from now on. I am just a lonely creature on this crowded planet. I am alone, and I am happy with that.

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Entah sampai kapan kaki ini punya tenaga untuk berdiri. Senja seolah memakan habis harapan demi harapan yang tersisa. Air mata mengalirkan kekuatanku, lalu mereka menguap bersama. Aku sudah bobrok, hampa, kosong. Aku hanya berharap aku mampu berdiri tegak sampai ada yang mampu kembalikan jiwaku.


U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

When I keep trying to strengthen you, I'm getting broken inside. Maybe I'll explode soon. I can't do anything but accepting this fate. I hate it. I hope everything is gonna be alright before I crack and collapse.

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Monday and I start waiting again, waiting for my dreams to come true. I know I shouldn't wait and hope like mad, but I can't deny that I want to get the glory. Although each sunset brought away my dream slice by slice, I think the hope, the wish, and the prayer will never be vanished. So, God, please don't disappoint me. You know I deserve it. If You don't think so, please let me feel the pain soon. Please, I beg You.



U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

I am tired of waiting over and over. I keep waiting through day and night: hoping for some good news to come, but they never arrived to my doorstep. Each day passes, my confidence gets lower, but I shouldn't show my weak point to anyone. I am tired of standing still, waiting and waiting. Even in my sleep, I am waiting.

God, can You please tell me, whatever the results are. I just want to know. It's better to be disappointed rather than being lost in the middle of nowhere.



U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Since I was a girl, my dream was to round the world. I've promised to myself to turn the dream into a reality: I would work hard and earn much much money to travel and experience the world.

And today, after I watched Rio, I really want to visit Brazil!!!

Yeah, Brazil, a country in South America, with its beaches, samba, forest and sun! Although I get 12-month sun here as well, I am sure the sun in Brazil is different! With those exotic girls around, everything will be better, I guess. :)


And what I would like to visit is the Christ Redeemer Statue, which was inaugurated in 1932. The 32m high statue is standing at the top of Corvocado Mountain and overlooking Rio de Janeiro. It was listed under the new Seven Wonders in 2007. I want to see it with my own eyes so badly!!!!


I wish I could visit Brazil and other South American countries... It costs about 10k SGD, if I join package tour...



U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Very often, I think that people never care about me. They just care about themselves or anybody else, except me. When I need someone to lean on, they are just disappearing and when I need some help, no one stays back.

Even people in my closest circle do this to me.

Brother, cousins, bf, friends. Everyone. None really cares.

Cousin messaged me through MSN and asked about my interview result. But she didn't care about me at all. She just cared for my another cousin who would be benefited from the good result of my interview.

Brother always ignored me, even scolded me when I messaged him via MSN if he was busy.

Bf would never call me if he didn't think that I was mad to him.

Everyone put their own business on top of everything. Should I do the same thing and be more selfish?
I think I should MIND MY OWN BUSINESS, too.


U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~