aLL 'BouT 'Fe-Ar'

Friday night. In my room. Thinking.

This week was a happy week. I was very busy for a whole week. Everyone seemed to try to assign me work and kept me busy. And suddenly I remembered a short conversation not long time ago.

That time, one senior engineer has just come back from somewhere. She saw me.
Senior Engineer: Hi, you are????
Me: Febrina. I'm intern.
Senior Engineer: Oooh, I thought you are the assistant of *******!!!
Me: *smiling, don't know what to say*
Supervisor: No, she is the assistant of everyone.
Me: Yes *nodding*

At that time, I really didn't think that I was the assistant of everyone, like my supervisor had said. I was just nothing in the office. I spent my time looking at my computer screen *it means facebook-ing* and no one even bothered to see what I was doing.

I really felt useless. I was paid to sit down and waste the electricity, water, internet, and even oxygen. I felt like getting angry, but who could I blame?

And then, I was shifted to another table, far far away from my supervisor whom I used to sit beside. I was very scared that I would become more and more useless. I was afraid of spending the rest of my internship doing nothing. But, really, everything turned out to be beautiful at the right time. After being shifted, the senior engineer started to give me work. He asked me to model a certain section by myself, and run it. I still remembered my feeling when I finished my first real job, although it's just a very simple model. I was so proud that I could contribute to my company. I was worth to be hired! Haha.

Yeah, the work came and went. Sometimes I still had nothing to do except facebook. But this week I felt happier. I love to be busy, and it's true. I felt grateful for getting more trusts from my colleagues. They have trusted me, that's the reason they started to give me work. Even this week, I shared the work load with them for one project. It's an honour for me!

I am thankful for being given a chance to learn here. It's such a blessing to work in this big company, be surrounded by good people who always explained everything I asked whole-heartedly, and learn so many new things. I realize how things are much more complicated in the practical civil engineering works. So many investigations, observations, explorations, and analysis need to be done before the work starts. It's not just like solving the exam question. It's regarding life and death of people!

So, I should be very thankful for being a civil engineer, the one who takes care of people's life. I must learn hard, pray hars, and later, work hard. :)

This several days, especially now, I am thinking hard about any specialization I will take for my future career. Since the first time I learned Soil Mechanics, I have been falling in love with it. Until now, I still love it. But I didn't think that my grades were good enough to try to master this complicated part of civil engineering. I don't know, I feel like very confused.

During my working time, I enjoyed the work as a geotechnical engineer, really. But, most of the time, I felt so lost about what I was doing. I asked, they explained, I realized that I actually had learned the stuffs at school but had forgotten it for so long. Am I destined to be one of my colleagues in the future?

And then, I realized, God has shown me the way since the very first time.

During the fuss and mess of IA registration, I had considered some choices. First, whether I wanted to do Geotechnical or Structural Engineering. Second, where I wanted to work. For the first consideration, I decided to apply for Structural field for the sake of exposure. I thought maybe I could be in love with steel and concrete, also. And for the second one, it was really difficult. I had some companies in mind, but I didn't know which one to choose. After a long winded consultations with several seniors and friends, I chose AECOM, with structural field in the description.

And guess, the first day I came, I was so surprised, they assigned me in geotechnical division!

Do you think God has shown me my way since then?

God knows the right thing for me. And I believe in Him.
:)

Happy Geotechnic-ing!!!

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~