aLL 'BouT 'Fe-Ar'

This month is not a good month for me... Although my special day happened to be this month, I feel a lot of negative aura this month...

My spirit to study declined a lot this month... Since I felt the go-home euphoria, I lost my appetite of lecture notes, tutorial questions, and anything regarding school... I was much more addicted to blogging... See my post this month... No one would believe if I said those posts were mostly created in a week full of quizzes... Phew...

My mood fluctuated so bad... It moved up and down without any permission, made me feel like crying, screaming, vomiting, or anything... It even made me hate myself... Phew again...

Another reason was the fact that I turned eighteen this month... I was not and still not ready to be eighteen... I want thirteen or fourteen as well... I don't want to be grow old... Noooooo....

Then, I felt lack of everything this month... I felt lack of confidence... Lack of trust... Lack of spirit... Lack of positive thought... Lack of good mood... Lack of everything, I told you... Due to something I also don't know till this time...

I feel very tired this month... All things in my head messed up... I suddenly hate this thing, and hate that thing, even hate myself... Nothing went well, I think... Dunno why...
Phew...
Phew...
Phew...

Should I call this month, "Februari yang Suram" ?

Dunno leh...
My head is dizzy liao...

Tomorrow is a new Month...
Hope I will get a new blessing...
So that I can stand up again and start all over again...

Thirty four minutes to a new (hope so) bright day...

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

5 signs that you have transformed to be a Singaporean:

First, you use la, leh, loh, ma, meh, ba, what and anything Singlish style...
Example:
1. No need la!
2. Too complicated leh!
3. Go dinner loh!
4. Good ma?
5. Not interesting meh?
6. Pass to you later ba...
7. This one not bad, what...

Second, you can sleep nicely inside MRT among crowded...

Third, there's one thing never apart from you... What's that? Of course, an earphone, either an i-pod, cell phone, MP3, or MP4...

Then, you are really a Singaporean when you know how to walk as fast as possible without losing your elegance... Huahahaha...

The last but not the least, you have Crumpler... Because, most of Singaporean have it...

So, are you a Singaporean already???

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

So, Guys, give the best for your girl...
Don't think you are too bad for her...
All a girl wants, is not fake, but sincerity...
Jia you!!!!!!!

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Forbidden fruit... What's that? That's a fruit that Adam and Eve ate at Eden which made them know everything they must not know... According to the bible, a serpent came to Eve and persuaded her to eat the fruit... Then, Eva told Adam and both of them ate it... After that, they realized that they were naked... They knew something they mustn't know...

Actually, the story is not that important... The much more important and interesting case is what the fruit was... An apple? An orange? A grape? A pomegranate? A banana? Or tomato?

Windi believes that the knowledge fruit is an apple...
Why?
He said (when we had a lunch in canteen 5 in a sunny Sunday afternoon), "We must eat apple for our intelligence, because this fruit is knowledge fruit..."
"Why?" I asked.
"Because... The fruit of knowledge is red..."
"Tomato is also red..."
"You know, Adam ate the fruit like this," he said while champing the apple, "You cannot treat tomato like this, right?"

Haha...
I just laughed...
he was so funny...
^^

Then, I checked in internet, what the fruit of knowledge was...

Some people say that it was an apple... A fruit of good and evil was an apple... It's because the Latin for apple is malus while the Latin for evil is malum... Do you see the connection?

Others say that it was a grape... Because it was said that Eve 'took from its fruit' not 'took the fruit'... So that, Eve took a bunch of grapes and made wine for Adam...

Then, another hypothesis: fig. Why? Because, after realizing that they were naked, Adam and Eve sewed themselves garments from fig's leaves. So, it is logical if they tried to reach anything nearest from them, right?

In recent years, we got a new hypothesis... It was a pomegranate?

Have another? Of course... They say it was a wheat, citron, etc, etc...

And how about another????
Banana?
Or chili?

Then, through Google, I saw an amazing answer...
Let me copy it...


It was SEX. Fruit is a metaphor for what happened in the Garden. The Serpent was a creature who walked upright as a man. He looked like a man. Eve had sex with the serpent, afterwards Adam also did. That is why she had one evil twin "Cain" and one good one Able. Able was Adam's son and Cain was the son of the serpent. After they "ate" they knew they were NAKED... why would eating an apple make you realize you were naked? Also, after God spoke to them about what they had done, Eve was told "in pain she would bring forth children." The serpent was cursed to crawl on the ground from that day on. What kind of curse would it be to just make a SNAKE, who already crawled on its stomach on the ground, CRAWL on the ground. Research Serpent Seed online.

Then, which one do you agree with?
It's up to you...

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Keep waiting for something I will never get... So foolish I am, so bad... I am so sick for this silly thing I have been and still waiting for... No one knows what I am waiting for, and so do I... I keep hurting myself, make my scar more and more bleeding...

What the hell am I doing right now? I keep making myself, my body, my soul, sick and I keep doing it... Oh my God, I feel really tired being like this... I cannot stop regretting anything in my life... I did regret this one, then regret that one, then I realized that I regretted almost all...

And I did something to others and no one awarded me and I felt very sad and I kept doing it... It is an everlasting cycle...

Shit...

Shit...

Shit...

I hate myself...

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Hanya sedikit berpikir...
Kenapa ada sebagian orang yang dilahirkan dengan begitu banyak keberuntungan : cantik, langsing, pinter, bersuara bagus, dipuja banyak orang, supel, ceria, selalu ngedapetin apa yang dia mau dengan cara yang sangat gampang, dsb, dsb, dsb...
Tapi...
Kenapa ada sebagian orang yang dilahirkan dengan begitu banyak ketidakberuntungan : ga cantik, ga langsing, ga pinter, suaranya ga bagus, ga terlalu bisa bergaul, ga pernah dipandang orang walopun sebelah mata, jarang ngedapetin apa yang dia mau, dsb, dsb, dsb...

Kenapa ada 2 hal yang sebegitu jauh bedanya???
Katanya dunia ini adil, tapi kayanya aku ga ngeliat sedikitpun keadilan di kasus ini...

Orang beruntung akan bilang sama orang yang ga beruntung, "Kamu pasti punya sesuatu yang aku ga punya..."
Dan orang ga beruntung akan jawab, "Iya... Aku punya semua ketidakberuntungan yang kamu ga punya..."

Huuh...
Dunia ini...

Kenapa aku ngerasa aku ada di bagian ketidakberuntungan...
Dari dulu selalu diremehkan...
Ga pernah diperhatikan...
Selalu tenggelam di belakang bayang-bayang orang yang lebih tinggi...
Udah kerja setengah mati tetep ga dapet yang namanya penghargaan... (Penghargaan bukan berarti harus dalam bentuk barang ato apa loh ya... Ucapan terimakasih yang tulus aja udah bisa disebut penghargaan bagi aku...)

Kenapa aku harus ada di bagian ini?
Kenapa aku ga bisa ngerasain yang namanya ngedapetin sesuatu dengan mudah, dihargai sama orang-orang, dan diperlakukan setimpal dengan apa yang sudah aku lakukan...

Fiuhhh...
Hidup ini melelahkan...
Penuh ketidakadilan...
Ga ada ketulusan...

Capee deeeh...

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Orang-orang sering bilang, "Jangan makan mie instan... Tar bisa mati... Ga bagus buat kesehatan..."

So, now... Bisa ga kalimat itu diralat jadi "Jangan makan mie instan kebanyakan..."

Karena...
Manusia ga mungkin mati cuma gara-gara makan satu bungkus mie instan...
Itu hal paling aneh kalo ada orang mati cuma gara-gara makan sebungkus mie instan...

Intinya...
Sesuatu yang berlebihan itu ga baek...
Makan daging, misalnya... Kalo berlebihan, bisa kolesterol...
Bahkan...
Makan sayur kebanyakan pun ga terlalu bagus...
Karena tubuh kita butuh yang seimbang-seimbang, antara hewani sama nabati...
Tul ga?

Ga cuma dalam hal makanan yang ga boleh berlebihan, hal-hal laen juga harus dijalani secara wajar aja...
Ngomong jangan berlebihan, tar disangka suka ngarang-ngarang...
Tanya juga jangan berlebihan, tar banyak yang bilang kita kepo...
Maen jangan berlebihan, tar lupa belajar...
Belajar pun jangan berlebihan, tar jadi gila...
Tidur jangan berlebihan, tar umur jadi semakin pendek... Soalnya, riset udah membuktikan bahwa orang yang kelebihan tidur justru memiliki umur yang lebih pendek daripada orang yang kekurangan tidur...
Lebih parah lagi...
Kalo udah menganut suatu kepercayaan ato pola pikir, jangan sampe deh menganggap kepercayaan orang laen jadi sesuatu yang salah besar... Istilahnya... Fanatik lah...

So...
Mari kita bersama-sama menjalani hidup yang wajar-wajar aja...

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Today, I'm 18 years and 18 days old...
Since I haven't posted anything on my birthday (because I was busy washing the dishes and serving everybody come to my house to 'sanjo'), I decide to post it today...

And now, I wanna tell you all about 18...

Eighteen thing(people/events) that affect me the most:
1. My super duper lovely mom... Thanks a lot that you have given me many much love so that I can standing firmly till today... (Of course laa...)

2. My dad, my bro, and all my big family... (I cannot write one by one because it will take a long long time to finish)

3. Nu_gen... (Lisa, Valentina, Valencia, Renni, Dya, Savitri, Merryn, Vivien, Christina... Love you all...)

4. The bitter memories when I was beaten in 'Lomba Bahasa Indonesia tingkat Provinsi' when I was in primary school due to collution... I was very sick that time... I cried almost all night... But now, I thank God, because I could learn to stand up again after falling down...

5. The big decision in my life to join acceleration class when I was in junior high school... At that time, I felt really puzzled... But now I know, it was the best path for me, for who I am today...

6. My best friend when I was in primary and junior high school... You don't need to know the name... Knowing she is still there inside my heart is enough...Still love you a bit, I think...

7. My Indonesian teacher in Junior High School, Ibu Theresia Sulistyawati... I really thank her for a lot of care and knowledge she has given to me and all my classmates...

8. Shella, my cute and loud-voice friend... Miss her now...

9. My decision to join Astronomy Olympiad Club in my school, attend some competition,till OSN (Olimpiade Sains Nasional)... Because of that, I could know a lot about constellations, stars, planets... And I know, I love it...

10. My dream to be in NTU has come true... This was my best present from God for my 17th birthday...

11. S, R, F, R, F, K, A, and C who have appeared in my life... No need to know who are them and how they affected me... Roughly saying, they affected me in different ways...

12. Palzzzntu07, who has given me a lot of smile, laugh, and anger... wakakaka...

13. Lee Chi King... he was my computing lecturer... Why him? Because of him, I was interested in C language and got enough knowledge to pass the exam with satisfactory... ^^

14. My imagination, dream, and passion...

15. My interest in joining scrabble and boggle team... I think I love scrabble more... More challenging and interesting... And I have got two medals... All silver... Hahaha...

16. Some Sixian Fellows I know... Ivy, Jinglun, Derrick (my captain), XiaoLi, K Herry, K Andri, Stephen, Rhesa, and the rest whom I cannot write one by one... Thanks for your help... Haha...

17. My dedication to SMA Xaverius 1 Palembang by joining OSIS/PPSK... Got the title 'Ketua' made me more and more feel like servant... Huahahaha... But, I'm happy...

18. The last but not the least, the doctor who helped my mom when she gave birth also affected my life... If there had been no the doctor, maybe I would not have been here blogging now...

Almost twelve already...
I am not 18 years 18 days old soon...

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Dari SD kita udah belajar bahwa manusia itu mahluk sosial, manusia ga mampu hidup tanpa bantuan orang lain... Tapi kenapa, ada sebagian orang yang ga mau sama sekali bergaul sama orang-orang laen? Mereka tertutup buat komunitas mereka sendiri yang notabene sangaaaat kecil, dan mereka ga pernah mau terbuka untuk hal-hal baru... Lalu, kalo udah gini, di mana letak kesosialannya mahluk sosial?

Mereka, yang kebanyakan ga mau membuka diri untuk hal-hal baru, mungkin berpendapat kalo bersosialisasi itu cuma menghabis-habiskan waktu, menghabis-habiskan tenaga, bahkan menghabis-habiskan harga diri...
Betulkah?
Kenapa mereka ga sadar kalo sebenernya ada hal yang lebih penting daripada tumpukan subject-subject di otak mereka yang pelan-pelan bakal ditumpuk oleh hal-hal lain, bahkan terkikis karena usia?

Sebagian mencoba mengambil target yang sangat tinggi, komunitas yang jauh dan jauh lebih besar... Tapi, menurutku, gimana mereka mau berhasil di komunitas tujuan itu kalo komunitas di depan mata mereka aja ga mereka masuki?

Bukankah kita harus melakukan sesuatu mulai dari hal kecil?
Ibaratnya bila kita menaiki tangga... Ga mungkin kita bisa dengan satu langkah sampe atas kan? Kita tetap harus jalan selangkah selangkah... Semua orang harus jalan selangkah-selangkah... Yang membedakan cuma langkahnya gede ato ngga...
Jadi, sebelum masuk ke komunitas yang lebih besar, kita harus bisa 'menaklukkan' komunitas yang lebih kecil dulu kan...

Aku bener-bener ga setuju dengan orang-orang yang mau ngambil tanggung jawab cuma demi 'POINT'... Bullshit point...

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

(Postingan ini tidak offensive atau untuk memojokkan salah satu pihak... Really... Hanya berkutat dengan pikiran sendiri...)

Love... Love... Love... Everyday we always hear something about love... I love you... Nothing's gonna change my love for you... I love you more than anyone... Love like this... Love like that... Love... Love... Love...

Actually, what is love?

Based on Wikipedia, love describe an intense feeling of affection, an emotion or an emotional state from something that gives a little pleasure ("I loved that meal") to something one would die for (ideals, family)...

From www.dictionary.com, we can find a lot of definitions of love:

1.	a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

2.	a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.

3.	sexual passion or desire.

4.	a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.

5.	(used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?

6.	a love affair; an intensely amorous incident; amour.

7.	sexual intercourse; copulation.

8.	(initial capital letter) a personification of sexual affection, as Eros or Cupid.

9.	affectionate concern for the well-being of others: the love of one's neighbor.

10.	strong predilection, enthusiasm, or liking for anything: her love of books.

11.	the object or thing so liked: The theater was her great love.

12.	the benevolent affection of God for His creatures, or the reverent affection due from them to God.

13.	Chiefly Tennis. a score of zero; nothing.

14.	a word formerly used in communications to represent the letter L.

15.	to have love or affection for: All her pupils love her.

16.	to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for (another person).

17.	to have a strong liking for; take great pleasure in: to love music.

18.	to need or require; benefit greatly from: Plants love sunlight.

19.	to embrace and kiss (someone), as a lover.

20.	to have sexual intercourse with.

21.	to have love or affection for another person; be in love.

So many confusing definitions of love...
Then we realize, we almost use this word without knowing what the exactly meaning is...

But, for me personally...
The best thing to describe the definition of love is when you see an old man and an old woman holding hands together while walking along a street, a mall, a beach, or any place you want...
That proves that their feeling doesn't change although their mates' appearance changes...
Love never sees appearance...

That is...
Really...
Love...

Hope I have a luck to feel that LOVE...^^

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

P.S. So, what is the definition of love based on your dictionary??? Anyone reads this post, please leave comment to compare our point of view... Love is in the air, replaces oxygen, nitrogen, and carbon dioxide... Wakakaka...

I'm waiting for my Alladin (as I'm Jasmine) to create a whole new world together and live happily ever after...
I'm waiting for my Ken (as I'm Barbie) to build a new doll house to live in...
I'm waiting for my Prince (as I'm the little Ariel) to take me away from my underworld...
And I'm waiting for my Harry Potter (as I'm Ginny) to save me from my silly love life with A, B, C, or D...

I don't say that you must appear in front of me now...
But I am sure I need you...
I'm waiting for you...
Waiting for you to come and take my breath away...
Waiting for you to look at me and make my heartbeat goes up and down...
Waiting for you to hold my hand and keep me save from the dark...
Waiting for you to hug me and say nothing's gonna change your love for me...
Waiting for you...
To sing...
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you’re the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I even don't know who are you...
No clues at all...
But I will keep waiting for you...

Because I know...
You are there for me...

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Baru aja balik maen bulu tangkis sama anak-anak Palembang yang laennya: Rumet, Wahyu, Windi, Beto, Andre, Nicos, Gunawan, Delli, Ahin, n Denny... Fiuhh, capenya... Jam 11 mulai maen n sekarang baru balik (sekitar jam 3an)...

Dapet SMS dari PINTU kalo ternyata saya diterima masuk divisi solidaritas... Dan sebagai catatan, divisi itu pilihan ketiga saya... Walawe... Kenapa harus selalu pilihan ketiga??? Secara saya dapet jurusan di pilihan ketiga dan sekarang saya dapet divisi pun juga di pilihan ketiga... Cape deeeh...

Saya ga terlalu puas sih... Padahal saya pengeeeeeeen banget masuk HUMAS... Tapi malah kelempar... Huhu...

Ya udah deh, masih ada 3 tahun di NTU... Smangat!!!

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Berjalan sendiri...
Aku di dalam gelap lembah pikirku...
Tak mampu menyelami...
Apa yang ada dalam khayalku...

Suatu waktu...
Dalam anganku...
Aku ingin berbincang denganmu...
Bicarakan hidupku, hidupmu, hidup kita berdua...
Tertawakan kebodohanku, kebodohanmu, kebodohan kita berdua...
Dan dunia...
Hanya milik kita...

Tapi di waktu lainnya...
Aku malah ingin berkata...
Aku punya dunia, kau punya dunia, kita punya dunia...
Tiga dunia kita beda-beda...
Ada kalanya aku terjebak dalam ruang waktu di antaranya...
Ada kalanya kau kehilangan arah, sedang di dunia mana?
Bisakah tiga dunia yang beda-beda dijadikan satu saja?

Menggeleng...
Kita tak mampu...

Lama-lama...
Aku akan terus terjebak dalam ruang waktuku...
Dan kau akan terus bingung di dunia mana kau berada...

Lalu kita...
Tak akan lagi bicara tentang hidupku, hidupmu, dan hidup kita...
Atau tertawakan kebodohanku, kebodohanmu, dan kebodohan kita...

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Baby, there are times I cannot tell you what I think, what I feel, or what I wanna do... There are something, Baby, I need you to know by yourself... Not to torture me with all A to Z and 1 to 9 questions...


You know, all this way, Baby, a not too long but full of memories way, you have forced me to walk on your shoes... Don't you know how hard it is? It's very very super duper extremely hard, especially when you are forcing me to accept all your point of view... It's very hard... Let's take an easy assumption, Baby... You are tall, and I'm short... How can I always see everything from the way you see it???? Cannot, right?

Then, Baby, really, I feel very tired... Maybe I cannot walk anymore...

So, Baby, I'm sorry...

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

"Pindahlah ke AHSS... Kau lebih cocok di sana..."
Kalimat ini meluncur dari mulut salah seorang temanku tadi siang...
Walawe...
Dia orang kedua yang bilang kaya gitu...

Kenapa mereka bilang gitu?
Tampangku bukan tampang engineer ya?

Jujur, aku emang pengen sih...
Tapi apa daya tangan tak sampai...

Huahahaha...

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Some says, "You are what you eat", or "You are what you do", or anything you want. But, for me, the right thing is "You are what you think"...

Is it right? When you think about something, when you try to understand something, when you make assumption, that are your way... That are you... You are the way you think...

Whenever you think, you are a useless person, you will be really really useless, because your thought, you brain tells you to do so... Your brain will tell you to be useless, to be useless, to be useless till you transform to a great useless person...

Remember, the one that affect your live: your blood circulation, your breath, your response to everything, is your brain... No brain will lead to no life...

So, you have your own life, and you have your own brain, why don't you try to input positive thought to it so that you will see a good result????

Say to yourself, "I'm smart, talented, kind, cool, almost perfect, and I'm everything to this world..."

And you will evolve yourself to a better person, because...
YOU ARE WHAT YOU THINK

It's over now... Fiuhh, I really feel relieved now... Five scary quizzes this week (and I just have seven subjects) have passed...

- Material Science on Monday... Got A- and I feel not happy enough... Hwahahaha...
- Life Science on Wednesday... Just could answer 16 correctly out of 25... Really bad...
- Language Puzzle on Wednesday also... Most answers seemed wrong... Walawe...
- In class essay for Imagining Imprisonment on Friday... Got 3 pages of essays... Not bad, right?
- Physics quiz today... Ya, I think I got no trouble...

Whatever the result, I have attempted hard...

Recess, I'm coming...

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

A little, very little, or even nothing I can give to you... Although you have given so much, very much love and happiness, I still don't know how to give you back those you have lost... I thank God very much that I have you in my life... Having you is really a fabulous blessing from God...

I am sure I am not nice enough... You always do great things for me and sometime I even gave you the reverse... I moved up your tears, your anger, your sadness... I made you fall... But, you always forgive me for whatever evil things I do...

I love you, Mom...
I am really confused how can I make you happy forever ever after... My desire now is to make you live a great and fabulous long life... With me, Dan, and Bro besides you...

What I am willing to do now, Mom, is continuing give you pride having a daughter like me... I will show the world that I have a great mom who drove me into this way, who taught me to be sincere and try not to hurt anyone... I am very proud having you and I want you to be proud having me...

I don't want your sufferings this long become useless... You will see me shine... I promise...

These days, especially today, I miss you very much, more than usual... Hope I can see you soon...

Love you, Mom...
You're my love, my heart, my soul...
My everything...
My valentine, my everyday...
And nothing's gonna change my love for you...

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

In fact, I really have a big desire to post something here today... I have even thought about what I want to type, words by words... But... But... But... As I just wrote an essay not more than one hour ago, I forgot all things I want to post here... Huhu...

Today is the IHG (Inter Hall Games) closing ceremony, and Hall 6 got OVERALL CHAMPION title... Cool ma? I am very delighted for hall 6... But, I cannot come because my class finished at 7.30 PM and I still have one more scary quiz tomorrow...

I still have Physics quiz, the one with 4 AU (academic unit), hard materials, and silly tutor... Wakakakaka...

Today was very stressful...

Hope tomorrow will be better...

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Looking at those clouds outside, I feel like they are so lucky... They don't need to deal with lot of problems in this world, from silly too important problems... They don't need to deal with quizzes, presentations, essays, or even the most unimportant thing in this timing, love life... Ya, they all, clouds, are very lucky... They just need to hang around along the blue sky, blow right and left, north and south, or whatever you want, when the wind comes to see them...

I think they are lucky, but as my thought drives me to a better analysis, they are not as lucky as I think... If those clouds, those beautiful and peaceful clouds, had soul, they might feel very bored... They have nothing to do, nothing to study, nothing to read...

Then me?
I have a lot of things to do : attend this lecture, attend that lecture, walk that place, walk another place, chat with this friend, chat with that friend, gossip about this person, gossip about that person...
And I have a lot of things to study : Physics, Imagining Imprisonment, Language Puzzle, Math, Material Science, silly Life Science, and also friendship...

I have lot of businesses, not like those clouds which just need to blow right and left, north and south, or anything you want...

I am luckier...
Is it right????

But still, I feel very depressed...
I feel very sorry that I cannot thank God sincerely for everything He has given to me...
Help me find my way...
Thanks...

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Mulutmu harimaumu. Kata itu sering banget aku denger di sebuah iklan di Indo. Entah sekarang iklan itu masih ada ato ngga. Yang jelas, aku udah ngerasain kalo kalimat itu emang bener.

Terkadang kita bisa ngelewatin bates-bates yang kita buat sendiri... Aku udah membatasi diri aku supaya selalu mikir sebelum ngelakukan sesuatu supaya ga ada yang sakit hati, walopun aku sering ngerasain yang namanya disakiti... Tapi, hari ini aku sendiri yang ngelangkahi batasan yang aku buat...

Maksud aku ngomong gitu cuma maen-maen doank... Ga ada maksud untuk menyakiti sedikit pun... Tapi, yaah, si korban merasa sangat sakit hati...

Aku jadi sedih banget... Kenapa aku bisa ngomong tanpa mikir dulu yaaah? Bener-bener bodoh...

Hari ini bener-bener ga bagus... Dua quiz ga sukses, pake acara bikin orang sedih lagi...

Buat orang yang udah aku bikin sedih n sakit hati, sorry banget yaah... Aku janji ga akan ngulang hal yang sama lagi, baik sama kamu atopun orang laen...

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Baru satu quiz terlewati sejak saya meributkan masalah lima quiz dalem seminggu...
Waktu rasanya jalan lambat banget... Baru aja satu quiz, tapi capenya udah setengah mati... Dua setengah jam lagi quiz kedua saya akan dimula...

Tapi...
Kenapa saya masih asyik-asyikan ngeblog di sini?

Kepala saya rasanya udah mau pecah...

Pelajaran biologi yang kita pelajarin sekian tahun tapi tetep juga ga pinter-pinter dicompress jadi satu semester di sini...
Dua jam dipake buat nyelesein pembahasan seluruh sistem organ... Dari otak sampe reproduksi... Waduh, saya rasa otak saya ga nyampe ke sana... Bisa-bisa tar tiba-tiba keluar asep dari kepala saya, terus otak saya meledak... Hwahahaha...

Really really hope that this week will end soon...
I'm tired...

Welcome recess...

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Saya lagi bosan... Menunggu selembar kertas di depan Nanyang Auditorium... Saya sedang nunggu apa sih?

Dari jam 9 pagi saya udah nyampe ke depan Audi... Dan ternyata, udah ada beberapa orang yang datang sebelum saya... Walawe,orang sini fanatik-fanatik semua...

Sekitar jam setengah sepuluh, antrian semakin panjaaang... Ada juga orang-orang yang nerobos,bikin antrian jadi makin dan makin panjang...

Sembari nunggu,ada yang baca lecture note,ada yang baca textbook,ada yang bikin tutorial,ada yang makan,bahkan ada yang maen kartu n UNO... Walawe...

Sekarang... Hampir jam 12... Semuanya menunggu selembar kertas... Yang bisa dipake masuk ke Audi... Buat nonton...
Angela Chang...

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Tiba-tiba aku pengen nyanyi... Tiba-tiba aku pengen ketawa... Tiba-tiba aku pengen denger suaramu... Tiba-tiba aku pengen liat mukamu... Tiba-tiba kau nampak di hadapku... Tiba-tiba kau senyum sama aku... Tiba-tiba kau ajak aku ngobrol panjang... Tiba-tiba aku pengen peluk kamu... Tiba-tiba kau hilang dari sisiku... Tiba-tiba aku marah... Tiba-tiba aku rindu kamu... Tiba-tiba aku nangis... Tiba-tiba aku pengen nabok kamu... Tapi tiba-tiba kau muncul lagi di hadapku... Tiba-tiba kau minta maaf sama aku... Tiba-tiba marahku luntur... Tiba-tiba aku pengen menghentikan waktu... Tapi... Sekali lagi, tiba-tiba kau pergi... Tiba-tiba... Begitu tiba-tiba... Dan begitu jauh... Sampe aku ga ngerti apa yang terjadi...

Dan saking tiba-tibanya, aku pun ga gerti apa yang aku ketik saat ini...

Postingan ini begitu tiba-tiba, dalam waktu kurang dari 5 menit...

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Baby, did you remember all those fairy tales told you? They told you, "And Cinderella and the prince live happily ever after..." or "Finally, they live happily ever after..."

Do you know, Baby, what they meant, what they tried to tell you? They wanted to keep this message in your heart, Baby... This message, that
EVERYONE WILL HAVE A HAPPILY EVER AFTER ENDING...

I believe, Baby, I really believe that you will get a happily ever after life, but not with me, of course... I am not yours, and will not be yours... We have no 'live together' destiny, Baby... Do you feel that too?

And, Baby, I'm very sorry that I seldom treat you nicely... In fact, Baby, that's not completely what I want... I just think of the probability to hurt you more badly if I act friendly with you... If I did that, Baby, I'm afraid your confidence that I have the same feeling as yours would grow fast in your heart... And, when I tell you the fact, you will fall from higher state... I think it will be more and more painful than your pain now... Am I right, Baby?

So, Baby, can you forgive me? Can I ask you for a pure friendship, without any something feeling? I know it will hurt, but, Baby, at least it will be less painful...

I realize today, I also feel so sick...
Can I treat you better from tomorrow onwards? I just want us to be F.R.I.E.N.D.

Is it OK for you?

Don't be so naive to wait for my heart...

Please...

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

5 quiz to go...
Gila...

Saya ga tau lagi mo ngomong apa mengingat 5 quiz yang sedang nyengir-nyengir menanti saya...
Secara semangat belajar saya belum membaik setelah menghabiskan precious moment di Palembang, sangat sulit bagi saya untuk menghadapi 5 quiz itu dengan berani...

Senin, saya harus berjuang keras menghadapi Material Science yang susahnya bukan maen, karena saya jarang banget merhatiin si Christoper selama beberapa minggu lecture...

Rabu, dua quiz udah lambai-lambai sama saya ditambah homework-nya Chinese Language... Paginya saya harus ngerjain Life Science yang hapalannya seabrek-abrek dan sorenya saya ada quiz Language Puzzle yang ga jelas model soalnya...

Kamis, in-class essaynya si Brian di Imagining Imprisonment udah bikin saya gemetaran duluan... Secara saya agak-agak ga nyambung sama nih subject... Huhu...

Terus... Ada Physics quiz di akhir minggu... Bahannya juga ga kalah banyak sama yang laen... 11 chapters kalo ga salah...

Kalo minggu depan udah berakhir, saya mungkin mau tidur panjang, ato jalan-jalan panjang, ato ngeblog panjang...
Hahaha...

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

15 Februari... Kemaren hari valentine sekaligus waktu di mana usia saya nambah lagi jadi 18 tahun satu minggu... Agak maksa sih, tapi biarin aja... Yang penting saya ada sedikit kaitan sama Valentine...

Kemaren saya jalan dari kamar ke LKC... Semakin deket dengan LKC, semakin kuat aura valentine's day... Semakin banyak liat couple-couple gandengan... Semakin banyak liat cewek-cewe bawa bunga, lolipop, bunga, bunga, bunga lagi... Yaah, intinya, banyak orang bawa bunga seliweran di deket Canteen B...

Bahkan di LKC pun banyak yang attend lecture sambil bawa bunga... Bawa kado... Bawa bunga... Bunga... Bunga... Bunga lagi... Yaah, intinya, mungkin banyak yang selama 2 jam lecture malah senyum-senyum sendiri ngeliatin bunganya dan ngga merhatiin Zhao Zhiye sama sekali...
^^

Tapi, para professor-professor ga nyinggung-nyinggung dikit pun tuh... Zhao Zhiye tetep kekeuh ngenalin double integral sama kami semua dan si lecturer Material juga tetep sibuk sendiri dengan dislocation, grain boundary, dsb...

Pertanyaannya...
Valentine itu penting ga sih?
Sepenting itu kah buat diekspose?

Di tengah-tengah quiz dan mungkin project yang bertaburan bagaikan bintang di langit, masih worthy kah kita untuk memikirkan kado ato acara spesial buat someone special?????
Kalo memang kita mau menunjukkan cinta kita sama si someone special itu, kenapa harus di hari valentine aja? Kenapa ngga besoknya, ato besoknya lagi, ato besoknya lagi, besoknya lagi, besoknya lagi??????? Yang namanya cinta kan bisa ditunjukkin kapan aja... Ga harus di hari valentine doank...

Kalo udah gini, Valentine's day seolah-olah jadi ajang pamer bagi yang udah punya boyfriend ato girlfriend dan jadi ajang promosi siapa aja jomblo-jomblo yang diincer banyak orang...
Walawe...
Ini kayanya udah melenceng dari apa yang seharusnya dilakuin di hari valentine...

Valentine itu ga harus 14 Februari... Valentine itu 1 Januari sampe 31 Desember tanpa henti... Karena cinta itu harus ditunjukkin tiap hari... Konteksnya bukan cuma cinta sama si someone special loh, tapi juga sama temen, keluarga, bahkan cinta sama orang yang sering nyakitin kamu...

Bener ga?

Menurut saya sih, kado-kado di hari valentine ga akan terlalu berkesan soalnya semua orang ngelakuin hal yang sama... Misalnya nih, kalo kamu tiba-tiba, tanpa angin, tanpa hujan, tanpa tukang post ngasih hadiah sama si someone special... Pasti hasilnya akan lebih berkesan kan...

So Guys...
Let's make everyday a Valentine's day...

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Setelah postingan yang marah-marah, sedikit cerita yang agak 'garing' mungkin bisa jadi penghibur...

Kejadian ini sudah terjadi beberapa hari yang lalu, tepatnya saat saya balik lagi ke Singapore...
Saya berangkat dari Palembang bersama seseorang...
Jadi, di Palembang itu kita harus minta surat bebas fiskal...

Seseorang ngomong deh ama petugas di loket itu, "Mau ngurusin surat bebas fiskal, Mas."
Untuk berdua, kan...

Si petugas, dengan tampang yakinnya, "Suami istri, Pak?"

Walawe...
Saya cuma bisa bengong aja...

Kedua kalinya...
Pertama dikira mo nikah, sekarang dikira udah nikah...
Lama-lama kalo saya gendong ponakan, ada yang tanya, "Anaknya ya?"

Duuuuuhhhh...
Di dunia ini banyak orang aneh...

Saya masih delapan belas....

Tidaaaaak...


U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Terlibat pembicaraan singkat dengan Windi dan Andre sembari mencari tempat duduk di Canteen B tadi siang, aku menyadari suatu hal...

Entah kenapa tadi pembicaraan bisa nyampe ke persahabatan... Pokoknya, ada satu kalimat dari Windi yang bener-bener bikin aku terkesan...

"Yang namanya friendship ga akan pernah berakhir... Walopun kamu dendam sedendam-dendamnya sama sahabatmu, jauh di dasar hatimu kamu masih tetep sayang dan care padanya..."

Gilaaaa...
Keren juga Si Windi...
Bisa ngeluarin kata-kata keren gitu...

Yang jelas, aku jadi teringat akan seseorang, yang seharusnya aku benci dan aku lupakan...
Tapi sampe sekarang masih terus aku ingat...
Masih terus aku cari keberadaannya...

Masih...
Dan mungkin akan terus berlanjut hingga nanti...

Karena...
Friendship will never die...
Although you have given me one liter of tears...

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Kembali ke Singapore... Saat ini aku sedang duduk di depan screen gede yang judulnya Immunilogical Studies...

Tepat sekali...
Aku lagi ada di LKC...
Mencoba meratiin si bule yang lagi ngajar Life Science tentang Microbiology...

Tapi sayang...
Ga berhasil...

Hahahaha...

Kemaren nyampe Singapore jam 9, tapi baru tidur jam 2...

Ngantuk...

Huhuhu...

Btw...
Semangat belajar jadi menurun drastis sejak balik ke Indo...

Semester ini begitu mengerikan...

Tapi, yah, harus dijalani dengan ikhlas dan sepenuh hati...
Huahahaha...

CmaNGaT!!!!!!!
^^

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Aku selalu belajar untuk menghargai orang lain dan memikirkan perasaan orang lain ketika membuka mulutku...
Tapi, kenapa ga seorang pun yang mikirin perasaanku? Ntah dari perkataan ato perbuatan mereka, aku tau mereka ga mikirin perasaanku sama sekali...

Jadi, buat apa aku belajar mati-matian menghargai perasaan orang lain kalo orang lain bahkan ga bisa menjaga perasaanku?

Aku juga manusia, perasaanku juga bisa terluka... Sometimes aku juga butuh award... Kenapa ga seorang pun yang ngerti?

Kapan aku bisa nemuin orang yang bisa mengerti dan menghargai aku apa adanya? Kapan aku bisa nemuin orang yang bisa aku ajak bicara dari hati ke hati? Kapan saat itu tiba? Saat di mana aku bisa nemuin seseorang yang bisa menegakkan tubuhku di saat aku sedang goyah...

Aihhh...
Terserahlah...

Aku ga ngerti dengan hidup ini...

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Setiap kali kuingat tentangmu, kutelusuri friendster page-mu, dan setiap kali kulihat namamu di window MSN-ku, ada sesuatu yang menggerus dasar hatiku...
Sesuatu, yang ku tak tau apa itu...
Sesuatu, yang hanya menyentuhku tapi tidak denganmu...

Anganku, anganmu dahulu...
Tumbuh dewasa, mengecap pahit manis cinta bersama-sama...
Bersama-sama...
Kita rengkuh dunia...

Namun, angan itu kini hanya milikku...
Karna tanpa kusadari, kau telah berbelok meninggalkanku di persimpangan itu...

Jangan tanya aku, "Di persimpangan mana?"
Karna aku pun tak tau...
Tiba-tiba saja kau berlalu, meninggalkan diriku dan angan itu...
Tanpa pamit padaku...

Kini...Tak ada lagi tawa bersama di ulang tahunku, ulangtahunmu, atau ulang tahun siapa saja...
Yang ada hanyalah aku yang bodoh ini menatap tawa indahmu dari jauh...

Ingin aku pergi jauh...
Jauh sekali...
Hingga aku tak perlu lagi menatapmu...

Tapi aku benci...Membuka friendster selalu ingin lihat page-mu, melihat piano selalu ingat padamu, pergi berenang juga terbayang kamu...
Bahkan...
Mendengar detik jam, tik tak tik tak, juga terpikir dirimu...

Kalau kau mau berlalu...
Please...
Bawa pergi semua kenangan itu, supaya aku bisa menata lagi hidupku...

Walau dalam khayalku, aku masih ingin memulai lembaran baru bersama jiwa dan ragamu...

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

5 Februari 2008, pukul 19.10...
Setelah selesai beres-beres, saya bisa duduk di depan komputer untuk ngeblog...
Hahaha...

Saya akan segera pulang... Pulang... Pulang...^^

Yaah, sekian dulu deh...
Udah ga tau mo nulis apa...
Pengen pulang aja pokoknya...

Hehehe...
^^

Happy chinese nu year yah semuanya...


U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Cerita tentang progress saya belajar Math masih berlanjut...

Dan beritanya...
Progressnya cuma saya berhasil nanya Rhesa n Dennise gimana soalnya...
Dan...
Jawabannya...
Susaaah...

Walawe...
Gimana nih jadinya...

Di saat seharusnya saya belajar, saya malah asik-asikan maen Scrabble...

Huhu...
Gila...

Dan sekarang, di saat saya harusnya kembali ke jalan yang benar, saya malah asik-asikan ngeblog...

Duuh...
Cape deeh...

Wateper deh...
Saya cerita soal IG dulu deh yaa...

Di semi tadi Indo ketemu ama Union dan saya nangkring di meja 4, ketemu sama Aravinda, temen saya di CEE, semester lalu classmate saya...
Dia bilang baru pertama kali maen scrabble di level competition, tapi dia udah bagus maennya... Bisa buat scrabble lagi...
Untung aja saya ga kalah...

Terus, ceritanya Indo vs Spore nih di final... Dan berdasarkan hasil ngundi, saya dapet table 1... Dan ternyata, saya ngelawan Derrick di table 1, K Andri sama Lesther di table 2, K Herry vs Jing Lun di table 3, K Hansel vs seniornya bertahun-tahun lalu di hall 13, dan Stifen lawan cewek hall 13 di table 5...

Dan udah bisa ditebak... Saya kan chiong bukan main... Bener-bener nervous... Ga nyaman... Akhirnya semua yang udah saya hapal kebanyakan jadi lupa... Salah move juga pernah... Si Derrick nyaris scrabble 2 kali lagi... Huhu...

Saya kalah dengan spread 200...

Walawe...

Saya harus banyak latihan...
Biar ga dibantai mulu...

Sekali-sekali pengen nyicip rasanya ngebantai orang kan...

Hehehe...

Oh, ya, dari hasil voting, saya tahun depan dikasih kepercayaan buat in charge tim scrabble Indonesia... Semoga saya bisa melaksanakan tugas saya dengan baik deeh...
^^

Udah, udah, cukup cerita-ceritanya... Sekarang saatnya back to reality n back to math...

Hidup harus berlanjut...
Smangat!!!!!

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Selesai... Selesai... Mari kita tutup lecture note Math dan kita jalan-jalan ke luar...^^

Udah hari Sabtu niih...
Mulai besok sampe hari kepulangan saya ke kampung halaman, schedule saya udah padat, dat, dat, dat...

Minggu...
Scrabble IG, IG Closing Ceremony, pokoknya semua yang ada hubungannya sama IG...
Semoga Tim Indo bisa menang banyak cabang...
Denger-denger sih lumayan banyak yang masuk semi...^^

Senin...
Math lecture jam setengah satu... Kosong 2 jam... Physics lecture jam setengah empat... Kosong satu jam... Make up Math tutorial plus quiz sampe jam setengah tujuh... CNY Dinner sama anak-anak Palzzzntu di Nanyang Audi...
Then, langsung tepar begitu sampe rumah...

Selasa...
Material Science lecture jam setengah sepuluh, dilanjutin dua jam Life Science Lecture... Break makan siang satu jam, terus lab M7 sampe setengah 5... Pulang ke rumah, beres-beres...
Terus...
Terus...
Terus...
Terus... Naek MRT sampe Lavender, dilanjutkan naek bus ke KL... (Huhu, rutenya muter-muter amat...)

Dan keesokan harinya, di saat temen-temenku lagi ngikutin Physics lecture, aku mungkin sedang ada di dalam pesawat, atau lagi nunggu baggage claim di bandara, atau bahkan, lagi makan masakan mama...

Hohoho...
Ga sabar buat pulang...
Pulang...
Pulang...

Missiumaihoom...

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Dan sekali lagi, pagi ini, saya di sini... Di depan komputer tercinta, sambil ngeblog, sambil chatting... Padahal, harusnya saya belajar... Tapi kenapa, saya ngantuk... Plus lapar... Huhuhu...

Setelah nyelesein setrikaan setengah jam yang lalu, saya malah asik browsing... Internet emang selalu bikin rencana saya spoiled... Terlalu banyak godaan di internet... Ada FS, MSN, YM... Ada Blogger juga.. Walawe...

Harusnya saya mandi dulu, tar baru belajar, tapi saya juga malas mandi... Apa ini tanda-tanda saya dah mau transformasi jadi kambing? Huahahaha... Saya sudah hampir gila karena euforia mau pulang dan takut menghadapi kuis pertama, di mana semester lalu saya gagal total di quiz pertama...

Sekarang otak saya malah penuh sama berita banjir di Jakarta... Mikirin gimana kalo cc saya sekeluarga ga bisa ke bandara di hari H, ga jadi donk ke Palembang...

Denger-denger sih, Soekarno-Hatta ditutup dan banyak pesawat divert ke Palembang... Denger-denger juga sih, ada 20 pesawat yang lagi ngantri di SMB II...

Keren juga ya, Palembang... Waduh, saya ga berperasaan nih... Masa ibu kota kebanjiran saya malah bangga... Huehehe...

temenku bilang, "Gimana ini? Masa ibu kota kebanjiran... Ibu kota kan muka Indonesia di dunia... Jadi muka Indonesia itu banjir donkk..."

Nah, kalo gitu...
Pindahin aja ibu kotanya ke Palembang...
Jadi muka Indonesia berubah jadi pempek...

Ya ga?

Waduuh...
Ternyata postingan yang ini ga jauh beda sama postingan yang sebelumnya...
Sama-sama ga berbobot dan geje...

Maaph yaah...

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

Saya lagi belajar... Belajar... Belajar...
Haha... Ketauan banget boongnya... Jelas-jelas lagi ngeblog...
Ya, ya, belajar ngeblog deh...

Kemaren tiba-tiba dapet berita kalo senin bakal ada make up tutorial n QUIZ... Quiz... Quiz... Senin bakal ada quiz... Omigod... Saya cuma bisa mangap aja kemarin... Secara saya dah mau balik Indo dan semangat belajar saya udah menurun dengan sangat tajam... Selain itu, hari Minggu ntar saya masih harus ikutan Scrabble IG lagi...


Jadi, sekarang di sini lah saya, mencoba belajar Math... Ngetes apakah limit yang ini exist... Ngitung-ngitung total differential... Ngitung error... Second order differential...
Walawe...

Tadinya saya belajar sambil tidur-tiduran di ranjang... Maunya sih jauh dari komputer, jadi ga tergoda untuk liat-liat profile FS orang dan ngintip-ngintip comment mereka... Tapi... Tapi... Saya malah ngantuuuk... Tuk... Tuk... Tuk... Huhu... Parah banget...

Akhirnya saya mutusin untuk ngeliat komputer tercinta sesaat... Eh, pas banget Lisa online... Eric online... Tiba-tiba diajak chatting sama Gunawan... Terus Eric invite Junersen... Vivien juga tiba-tiba online...

Yah, kelanjutan cerita ini dah bisa ditebak...

Lecture note saya ga terurus di samping saya, dan jari saya sibuk menggerayangi keyboard... Saya ngeblog sambil chatting, dengan 3 window, yang bunyi mulu ga berenti-berenti... Dan Math saya, terlupakan... Huhuhu...

Saya butuh spirit... Siapa yang mau ngirimin saya spirit????? Dikit juga gapapa... Dikit-dikit lama-lama bisa jadi duit kan? eh, salah, bukit maksudnya...

Saya butuh spirit, dan saya juga butuh duit... Secara duit jajan saya semester ini belum turun... Hahahaha... Ngelanturnya udah keterlaluan...

Sampe ketemu di post berikutnya deh...
Yang lebih berbobot dan ngga terlalu geje...

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~