Friday, March 14, 2008

Not important

Labels: at 3/14/2008 09:36:00 AM

Maybe you think I'm very happy with my life... I always smile, smile here smile there... Smile and always smile... But, you don't know, really, you don't know and you will never know, inside my heart, there is a big bleeding hole... Like viruses eat the suspects' immune system, this big bleeding hole swallow my happiness, my hope, my wish, and even my spirit... You never know what thing exactly made me sad and feel lack of everything, because, in fact, I also don't know... It's very hard to find the right excuses why I always feel desperate these days... Because of love life? Because of friendship? Because of family problem? Or because of my overindulge self?

Phew... I really know nothing about myself... I have to find my way to lead me to a better adult... I don't want being desperate all the time... I have tried to change my way of thought, my perspectives, my confidence, my everything, but I still lost in this labyrinth, my own labyrinth... I am very foolish, make a barrier, a big barrier, for myself to develop... Huuuh... Sweet March will become Sweat March, I think...

Really, I have no one to hold on and shoulder to cry on... I feel like crying (in fact, till now, when I am typing this post) but nor one neither lots of tears come up... I have noone to share my burden... I just have a blog, but a blog will not answer my confusion...

Maybe you are wondering, what I am thinking right now... A foolish girl is weeping about her life, mad for everything God has given to her... Ya, I realize, I act as if I don't thank God for everything He gave me... In fact, I don't want to be like this, but my heart always cries and screams... I don't know why...

Even now, I don't know what I type... I just type everything popped up in my mind... Oh, so poor I am, so sick this heart is...

Aha, today sun shines so bright... No rain anymore maybe, but I don't know this afternoon, or evening, it will rain again or not... And now, although the sun shines so happily, my heart is continuing singing sad song... I don't know how to run from this crazy mind... I'm going crazy, I think...

Ten already, and I think I'll go take a bath first, while thinking deeply what I need to change for myself...

Ya, I finished my bath and I still don't know what's wrong with my mind now... Am I gonna be crazy? Do I have to see the doctor? I know what I have to change, but I am really really not sure that I can fulfill it... I can say that I need to be more positive thinking, I must reduce my jealousy to others, I have to change my point of view, and I should thank God for everything... Haha... That's all the solution for my problem... Very simple...

But, another problem rises... How can I do anything I state before? You know, my heart always rejects all my effort... Phew... I cannot be a good girl, I think... I am a 100%-jealouser, or even jeaLOSER...

U're the best I've ever had
~FeN~

2 thoughts:

Herry -- HgS said...

Fen, kalo mau cry on my shoulder boleh sih. Tapi keras loh, soalnya dagingnya dikit. Wakakakaka.. :p

Btw, cheers up Fen. :-)

Regards
~HgS~

March 14, 2008 at 6:57 PM
green_butterfly said...

Met, klo nak nangis, kau biso pinjem bahu aku kok..^^
Gek klo aku nak nangis, aku pinjem bahu kau jg, haha..

March 16, 2008 at 12:59 AM

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